48 And Feeling Great!
As my birthday rolls around, I can't help but reflect on the past year.  Metaphorically speaking it has been a marathon of sorts.  Long, slow and steady, always putting one foot in front of the other and keeping the end goal in mind and heart.  Unlike a true marathon, there has been no clear-cut and outlined plan for success.  No set schedule of exactly what to do and when to try and ensure success.  Instead it has been a year of taking chances, opening up, being vulnerable and also being gentle and understanding.  Of learning to trust myself, my instincts and my ability to innately know what i needed and not needed as I moved ahead.  Often this progression felt like it required a lot of momentum and forward motion, when in reality it was the opposite.  Time, space and stillness were often required so the path ahead could come into clearer focus.  Illuminated from within and bathed in a light generated by self love, patience and understanding.
Please don't get me wrong, there were and still are moments of doubt, indecision and even fear as old patterns of thinking and doing are briefly revisited and challenged.  Being able to lean on past moments of strength and remind myself that I am enough and have this journey well in hand are the tools I have and will continue to sue to loosen those stuck ways of thinking.
Yes, the past year has been one that I am very proud of and one that I am still in awe of at times.  For I feel like it is the year when I finally gave birth to myself.  The real me.  The person I have always known existed but was never ready to meet or accept.  The self that I have aspired to and been afraid of.  And finally the me who I am honestly able to put my arms around and embrace for all of her strengths and weaknesses, quirks and charms, beauty and warts.  For it is all of those qualities who make me uniquely and authentically me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Solar Return Reflections

 As I embark on a new solar return, I am compelled to reflect on the year that is closing behind me. Exercises like these often have us remembering the big wins or struggles, the notable changes and shifts that have taken place, the happenings that are impossible to ignore. And while all of those items are important to note, savour, and pay attention to, I find myself drawn to the smaller moments in time. The almost imperceptible yet impactful catalysts that are most often responsible for growth.  What I find interesting about those tiny agitators is the amount of pain and discomfort they often create as they push us to respond. Like the grain of sand in our shoe that will cause a blister if we don't stop to remove it, ignoring these pain points only leads to longer-lasting, deeper dis-ease if not attended to. It was during a visit with a dear friend this past week that this point was driven home for me. I was describing to her a feeling of overwhelm I had been dealing with (o...
Read more

Letting Go

 This past weekend, I helped my eldest son as he prepared to take the next big step in his life's adventures.  It felt bittersweet to watch as he packed up the room in his apartment, in anticipation of setting up a new room in a new city in the near future.  I have felt proud of him over the past few months as he has navigated many unknowns and new situations with a sense of certainty and enthusiasm for what lies ahead.  Deep down, I marvelled at his ability to let go, to embrace the new opportunities being presented while letting go of the life he had been establishing over the past couple of years.  Thinking back to when I was his age, I am not sure that I would have had the ability to make these same decisions so easily.  Sure, I have had my fair share of tough choices and have navigated change as I have journeyed through life. Still, I have often felt a sense of dis-ease when it comes to letting go of what is or has been to make room for what might be....
Read more

Cheer Stations

 Yesterday, I ran my fifth full marathon, my first in two years.  The idea felt daunting at first - I hadn't forgotten how all-encompassing the training could feel, spanning sixteen weeks and requiring hundreds of kilomteters to be travelled simply to complete those last 42.2.  And yet, there I was, signing up and taking on the work. Training went well - the weeks seemed to pass more quickly than I expected them to, and despite a slightly cranky hamstring, my body and mind adapted to the workouts and didn't put up roadblocks along the way.  Getting up and getting out for those early morning runs and long weekend runs became routine, and something I looked forward to.  Especially the long runs that had me crossing the city instead of sticking to very well-worn routes from previous training blocks.  Friends started to inquire about the big day, and I noticed that many of them seemed to be more excited about the race than I was.  With it not being my firs...
Read more