Kerri On Down The Road

Today's post is really a reflection on last weekend, and the learning that came from it.  After several months of training, dedication and planning, I ran my second marathon in as many years.  The marathon was always something that I aspired to.  Seeing others complete that feat was something that struck me with a sense of awe quickly followed by a sense of "I could never do that!"  I remember training for my first half-marathon and the feeling of accomplishment that came with achieving that milestone.  And still the marathon lurked in the distance, remaining a bit out of reach and seeming unattainable.  As time passed, more training and more races took place, the marathon suddenly seemed a little less daunting...not easy to be sure, but moved to a "Maybe one day...." in my mind. Last year, while training for a half, I was feeling strong and decided that if I ran the race and felt good and came out without injury or issue I would go for it and would start...

As I sat in my living room last weekend, watching Eluid Kipchoge push the limits of human performance to clock a sub-2 hour marathon, I was filled with emotion.  Exhilaration at the sheer magnitude of such a feat....disbelief at what the human body is capable of when a solid plan is in place....and sheer awe at the mental roadblocks and uncertainty that he must have faced as he prepared for this event. The one thing that struck me tho, throughout the lead up and event was how calm and self-assured Eluid was.  There was never a public moment of wavering from his goal, of his absolute buy-in of what he was going to attempt, and in his mind, achieve.  And what it did for me, in that moment as he crossed the line at 1:59:40 was give me hope.  Because if he could achieve that, it is true that our possibilities are endless, and unknown.  In the days since, there have been many articles written regarding this feat and achievement and what it really means...there is n...

So as cliched as this may be, I wanted to take some time to reflect on being thankful, what it means to me and what I am feeling thankful for this holiday weekend. Taking time to reflect and be grateful, thankful and appreciative of what I have in my life was not something I practiced on a regular basis in my past.  I think that this stemmed from fear.  Admitting that things were going well just made me worry about the inevitable other shoe dropping and it all going badly.  The sad fact is that life is like that...there are always going to be ups and downs.  By never really admiring and enjoying your ups, all you will notice are the downs, and so begins and continues the downward spiral.  I had to learn to take a deep breath and actually admit when things were good, great or even awesome.  And embrace and relax and just enjoy it.  Not with a thought about it being fleeting or what was around the next corner.  Just being in the moment and loving t...

I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately on my past, not in a wistful way or a regretful way.  In more of a curious way.  Looking back, evaluating and noticing where I was and who I was, and how I was relating to others in my life.  Past friends and loves.  Taking this opportunity to get a better understanding of where I have come from, so I can more fully appreciate where I have grown to lately and also to unravel and let go of some of the old ways of thinking and being that are trying to be hitchhikers as I move ahead. Two themes seem to play out again and again as I do take stock, and the themes are Permission and Control.  For most of my life I have struggled with both, on both the giving and receiving side of the equation. Permission is something that I have given too freely and too often to others both on a friendship and relationship level.  It has been how I have hoped to gain approval, gain trust, and feel loved.  Permission to treat me ...