Kerri On Down The Road

 I sometimes feel like I am not alone in wanting someone to give me permission for the decisions I make.  From mundane things like staying in bed to get the extra rest I need, to taking a sick day when I feel unwell.  I find myself wishing that there was another voice in the room, telling me that it is okay to feel how I feel or to want what I want.  I also feel envious of those who seem to move through life with ease, making choices that suit their needs and well-being without a second thought.  Perhaps that is just the vision that I see on the surface, and maybe the same sense of uncertainty lingers underneath the facade.   Glennon Doyle wrote about permission slips in her book Untamed , and although that idea resonated with me when I first read it, I didn't give it much thought afterward.  Until now. As I lean into some pretty big life changes ahead, I find myself getting in my own way.  I often joke that my five-year plan has been ten yea...

 I will be the first to admit how hard it is to avoid the trap of comparison.  No matter how hard I try, time and time again I find myself ensnared in its shiny jaws, wondering how in the world I allowed myself to become trapped again.  Perhaps it is a rite of passage; as we take on new challenges and acquaint ourselves with a new community or identify with a new persona, we cannot help the urge to see where we stand.  Sometimes I feel that comparison helps me to move forward with a challenge or goal, igniting a fire in my belly and a desire to work harder.  Other times it does the complete opposite, deflating me and making me wonder why I am pushing so damn hard in the first place.   Something I heard today made me reconsider the role comparison plays in development and how I might be able to start viewing myself moving forward.  The idea that struck me like a lightning bolt was regarding a shift in how we view ourselves and our abilities.  ...

 As time passes after crossing the finish line at Chicago, I find myself reflecting on the experience as a whole.  This felt much different from other races I have participated in, and I also feel like there are a number of lessons for me to learn and carry forward as I prepare for spring marathon training this winter. For some reason, this time around I lined up at the start of Chicago feeling ready.  Not feeling afraid of the race or the challenge ahead of me.  Don't get me wrong, I have deep respect for the marathon and do not discount the distance nor the fortitude required to cross that finish line.  The difference for me this time around was that I knew I could do it.  Despite not knowing for sure what "doing it" might look or feel like, I knew that I had what it would take to get myself through the entirety of the race.  This is very new for me.  I have lined up for four marathons now, and have run a handful of half-marathons as well and th...

 I had an epiphany this morning while my coffee was brewing.  It came out of nowhere and was as clear as the quartz crystal I had in my pocket.  "I believe that I am a bass player".  Now without any context, this would be a strange statement and you might be wondering what I was brewing along with my coffee.  Allow me to explain. Two days earlier I had performed with my band for the first time in public, and in our ensemble I play bass.  I have been taking lessons for almost two years now, so this was not the first time I had strapped on my instrument and played these songs.  Yet for the longest time I had been struggling with the idea that I was a bassist.  I saw myself as someone who was learning to play or played bass.  Never as a bass player or musician.  Deep down I felt like that title was reserved for those who have dedicated their lives to their craft.  Who get up on stage in front of thousands and pull off the most beautifu...