Kerri On Down The Road

The other morning I was struggling to get myself out of the house for a run.  Since the time change and season change has begun, this is something that I have encountered more and more.  I said to myself "I'm not motivated to run" and the weight of that sat with me.  I did manage to coerce myself to get dressed and go and did feel better for having pushed a bit.  What struck me while I was on my run was the realization that it wasn't that I am not motivated, it was a matter of not FEELING motivated.  There is a subtle but real difference between those two statements.  One is a description or label that I put on myself (not motivated) and the other is naming a feeling in the moment that would pass when given time. I started to think about the number of times that I have done this - taken a feeling and placed it upon myself as a label.  To get a feel for how this can have impact, try this quick exercise:  say the following statement out loud and pau...

 There is an African proverb that has been resonating with me lately:  "If you want to go fast, go alone.  If you want to go far, go together" When I think of this proverb it reminds me of a mindset I have carried with me for as long as I can remember.  The desire to reach goals and accomplishments all by myself, always under my own steam and without requiring help from anyone.  It almost became a badge of honour to be able to push myself into a corner and yet manage to achieve what ever it was I was going after, and being able to say to myself (or anyone who asked) that I did it all on my own.  Where did this deep desire and need to perform on a solo basis come from?  I am not entirely sure, although thinking back to my earlier school days, I know that I was often left with a bad taste in my mouth when we were assigned "group work".  I found that group work was code for a group being brought together to capitalize on the work of one or two dedica...

After a lot of soul searching, deliberation, and some good old fear-based procrastination I finally have taken steps towards teaching yoga on a regular basis.  Having completed my training this summer I was left with the desire to deepen my practice and to bring the gift of yoga to others who may not have a regular practice of their own.  It felt like a natural progression and yet I was unsure about how to make this happen.  I reached out to a couple of nearby studios to see if they might be taking on new instructors but due to uncertainty around their enrollment numbers, that option was not available.  In the back of my head I had this crazy thought "why not just teach from home?"   As quickly as that thought occurred to me, a number of road blocks were immediately presented: - where would I have the space to do this? - with all of the other "professional" online yoga teachers out there, why you? - would anyone even want to come? - what if you do this and ...

 I remember the first time I heard that phrase.  It was during my yoga teacher training this summer, and we were on our mats in practice.  As we moved through flows, poses and body scans we were invited to notice what we noticed in our bodies, minds and hearts.  I remember hearing those words and waiting for the rest of the instruction to come...notice what I notice and THEN what?  Once I have noticed whatever is going on, what am I supposed to DO with that information???  I slowly began to realize that there really was no further instruction, that the entire idea of noticing what what there, in that moment was all we needed to do. Great - more "sitting with it" stuff, my favourite I thought.  But once I was able to move past that point of needing to feel like I had to take action I understood how freeing it was to simply notice where I was at in any given moment and just be aware of it.  No judgement of it, no trying to control or change it, just...

 When I think of courage, I am often reminded of the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz.  I remember watching that character singing "If I Were King of the Forest" and feeling for his inability to summon the courage to stand up for himself and even face his own shadow.  There definitely have been times where I could relate to that struggle.  Where deep down I knew that I was able to take on a challenge or had something to share with others, but was unable to come forward and take that next step.  So many classes I sat in through school where I had the answer to a question being asked, but could not raise my hand out of fear of being seen as a "browner" or nerd.  I have chewed on ideas instead of sharing them with others for fear of being seen as too opinionated or controlling.  I have also held myself back from trying new things, taking leaps and even pushing against comfort zones for fear of not succeeding. As I think back over these experiences of h...