Kerri On Down The Road

 No, I have not discovered a new pastime or hobby, instead, I have been finding myself engaging in some mental wrestling recently.  The source of this reflection is centred on the season that I find myself in lately.  A space focused on changes and transformation, some of which I have put into motion, and some of which have taken place outside of my control. Stepping away from a long-standing career that had defined my life and how I had been showing up in the world, I began to feel a shift taking place.  Questions started to surface causing me to not only wonder about who I am now, but who I am becoming.  At the same time this self-induced internal deep dive was taking place, I was also beginning to experience physical changes that felt out of control and frustrating.  It felt like a lot was suddenly taking place all at once, forcing me to look in the mirror and accept that whether I liked it or not, change was knocking at my door.   There are st...

Life never stops providing us with opportunities for growth and learning, all we need to do is be open to receive.  This is something that I have been aware of conceptually, but feel like I have only begun to embrace.   The learning that I have been guided towards lately centres on my ability to absorb.  When I think about becoming absorbent, porous is a quality that immediately comes to mind, and the ability to allow things to permeate a barrier.  As I think about that action taking place, I can feel myself starting to become uncomfortable because with this comes a lack of control.  If I dare to open myself up to allow more in, I must accept that this will encompass situations and feelings that I might rather not experience.  Opening up my pores to allow everything in means that I will feel and acknowledge it all.  Yuck. Enter numbing.  I remember when I first started to read Brene Brown's writing and her discussions about vulnerability and ...

 Last weekend I ran the Toronto Goodlife Half Marathon.  This was something I had not expected to participate in, due to some health and injury issues I had been dealing with earlier in the year.  With support and some patience I managed to move past the physical issues that had been plaguing me and found myself at the starting line, hopeful for a good result.  Going into this race, a good result meant finishing the race in one piece and not feeling horribly beaten up at the end.  Leading up to the event I had been doing the hard work of slowing letting go of expectations based upon past performance and replacing those thoughts with being open to meeting myself (and my body) where I was now.  Humbling to say the least, even though I have always considered myself to be a solid mid-pack runner and have never come close to the podium in any sporting event I've entered.   As the race began I found myself reflecting on a podcast that I had listened to ...

 The weather forecast matched what I saw when I looked out at the skies - overcast and setting up to be yet another rainy day.  Oh well.  I was getting ready for my daily dip, and the lake is wet anyway, so why fuss over a bit of rain?  I packed up my dipping gear, and set off on my short trip to the shoreline. I prepared myself for a non-descript morning with nothing to see except grey skies and seagulls.  Lower expectations lead to less disappointment, as I have often told myself.  As I drove down to the water I noticed that the rain I was expecting seemed to be holding off, and as I neared the beach I also noticed that the skies were not so grey after all.  In fact, looking out at the horizon my eyes were met by an unexpected glowing slice of peachy pink sky that filled me with joy.  In that moment I realized something - while lowering expectations may help diminish disappointment, it also leaves us closed to experiencing delight.  What wo...