Kerri On Down The Road

The past days and weeks have provided more than enough opportunities for pause and reflection.  Between all of the updates, changes and pivots taking place and the new realities that we are facing on what feels like an hourly basis, it feels hard to have any sort of handle on where we are at and where we are heading. I decided to take some time to write in my journal, to try and find a way to capture what I was feeling or at least get some thoughts down and out of my head.  What quickly became apparent was a sense of being lost.  I have felt like I was dangling or at loose ends for the last week or so, and was having a hard time figuring out what that really meant or where it was coming from exactly and as I let the words flow, a picture came into focus.   Between the cancellations, closures and move to working remotely, I have in essence "lost" many of the aspects of my life that have defined who I am.  I know that these losses are not permanent and ar...

I will be honest, I had a hard time deciding whether or not to write about our current state of affairs.  On the one hand I felt like we are being bombarded by information and perhaps adding to the noise wasn't a very helpful or productive thing to do.  On the other hand I also felt like there are so many feelings, thoughts and emotions happening that it might be helpful to share what I have been noticing as it might resonate and resemble the experience that others are having. First and foremost despite all of my best efforts to not worry and feel stressed, I am doing both.  Not on a large scale but I can definitely feel the undercurrents there and have stopped fighting these reactions as they are totally natural and to be expected and there are no wrong answers when it comes to feelings.  They just are.  I noticed that I have been more tired, more prone to feel distracted and at loose ends these days.  I find that although I am able to focus on things for...

This morning I was getting ready for my usual Sunday long run.  Doing these long runs has been something that has been in my calendar for some time now and with the Toronto Marathon coming up in May (fingers crossed) they have become more and more important.  These are not something new to me as I have trained and run two other marathons and I know enough about being prepared and respecting the distance to know that these are very necessary. Lately I have struggled with a lot of mental garbage, for lack of a better term, that I have carried with me through the first 5 - 6 kms of these runs.  It feels heavy and sounds like a lot of negative self-talk and doubts that circle in my head.  This baggage came along at the same time as I started to notice some pain and stiffness in my shins that would also last for the first 5 - 6 kms and as that subsided these voices of doubt and worry also faded to the background.  After some detective work I came to the realization ...

This past week I participated in a two-hour yoga session as part of a fundraiser for the YMCA.  Two hours of yoga might sound like a great excuse for a long nap with friends...but I can tell you it is anything but that.  We were treated to the guidance of five different and incredible teachers from the Y and each had their own style and approach to their practice.  It was a pretty surreal experience to be a part of such a meaningful class surrounded by so many other like-minded individuals.  And the whole time being focused on our practice in different ways.  What really stood out for me while the class progressed was the sense of strength that I felt from my body.  As I moved from one pose to another, the realization of just how physically strong and stable my body felt, and how naturally it seemed to move in and out of the various poses.  I realized in those moments that I had never really felt that before...sure you can look in the mirror and notice...

Yesterday I celebrated my one year anniversary of moving on to new beginnings.  As it was one year ago yesterday that I moved out of the house I had shared with my ex-husband and into the apartment that has become a cozy nest for my boys and I.  The transition was not an easy one, no move ever is.  On top of the usual stresses that accompany most moves, no matter how large or small, were the nagging questions in the back of my mind..."Did you decide to leave too quickly?"...."Was this the right thing to do?"..."Are you really sure that your marriage is over?"...."Do you realize that there may be no coming back from this decision?" Regardless of those questions and worries I forged on, and with reflection and time have come to realize just how important this move has been for both me and my sons.  This is where the idea of it also being a happy birthday comes to mind...as I feel like since I moved out and on, I have also been reborn.  The Kerri t...