Writing Yourself a Permission Slip

Last week was an interesting one...embarking on the next phase of my career and all of the learning that goes with a new start.  During one of the conference sessions I attended the idea of "learning being clunky and uncomfortable" was discussed.  Interesting timing for that idea to be introduced as I was knee-deep in learning all last week, and will continue to be for many weeks ahead of me.  And yes, clunky and at times uncomfortable would definitely sum up the feelings that come with learning new skills, ideas and concepts, and determining where you fit in.  I have to admit that by the end of most nights last week I was absolutely exhausted, and almost embarrassed to admit it.  I mean, what did I really do....sat and took notes and listened and met people...not like I ran a marathon or did something physically strenuous.  It wasn't until I told someone that I was feeling pretty tired that they said "of course you are!" and that started the wheels turning (slowly).  And made me realize that once again, this was a prime example of being hard on myself when I should really be giving myself permission to need some time to adjust.  No one else was expecting half as much out of me as I was...and I am quite sure that I am not alone in this situation.
How often do we take on a new challenge or idea or goal and instead of giving ourselves permission to take some time to work towards it, we berate ourselves for not getting there soon enough, or living up to some idea of what success should look like, despite the fact that we really have no clear idea anyways.
This was also echoed to me on my run this morning.  I am training to participate in two races this spring that I had planned to run in last year but due to injury was unable.  Deep down I am excited to cross both races off my bucket list as they will be important milestones in my running "career".  However despite that fact, I find myself becoming more and more apprehensive before my long runs...nervous even....what if something happens (injury)...why are my training runs not seeming to improve as far as time despite the fact that I feel like I am working to my fullest and have even taken on a new plan that has added one run per week.  And that is making the training that much harder, as I wrestle with myself AND the weather and distances....and I love running!  What finally occurred to me today was that I have actually never trained for a long race in the winter....I ran a half-marathon in May about 10 years ago which started me on this running journey, which at the time was a huge milestone....today's long training run was about a km longer than that race.  So I have no idea what training in the winter for long distance should look like for me, as this is my first time doing it.  And although I can say to others quite genuinely that putting in the work to get to the starting line is what to feel proud of, I have having a hard time giving myself permission to actually feel that way and enjoy the accomplishment achieved with each training run I log.
So, having realized this I am going to start to be more conscious of those moments when a permission slip is required.  Be it permission to admit that I am damn tired and need some rest, or permission to just do my best on any given day despite what the splits and lap times look like, or simply permission to take time to reach whatever the goal or new learning is in front of me, I am going to do my best to ensure that I am giving myself the best opportunity for success that there is.  And if that opportunity requires a bit of kindness, and understanding then that is what I will provide.