What a Difference a Year Makes

As the boys and I celebrated Easter weekend together in our home, I couldn't help but reflect on what Easter weekend last year was like.  Easter came a bit earlier and it was one of the first weekends when I was on my own in the new apartment.  I was still working on wrapping my head around the changes that were all around me, and also adjusting to not being able to run due to injury, and just generally trying to figure things out.  I had been invited to a family gathering and decided that instead of using the invite to avoid being on my own, I would take the opportunity to actually sit on my own and let all of the thoughts and feelings come and stay with me for awhile.  I knew deep down that no matter how scary the prospect of opening myself up to what may come was, I needed to take this time to do just that.  "Sit in it" as my counsellor so wisely advised. 
What I discovered was that despite some sadness and moments of feeling lonely, I was actually okay.  Being on my own didn't need to be some type of negative experience.  Instead it really allowed me to take some time to just be and not need to worry about how my feelings or mood might affect others.  This was time for me to be me, however messy or uncomfortable that might be.  I also was able to get to the Y and spend some time there, and even saw some friends by chance on my travels over the weekend.  By the end of the third day I knew that I had made the right decisions and not only that, I was going to come out of this stronger and closer to the person I truly knew existed deep down inside.
This year we are living a much different reality.  I have had the good fortune to be able to spend the weekend with my boys and despite the need to physically distance, to visit family (from a distance) and connect with others over the weekend.  The biggest revelation that I've had this weekend came this morning as I was completing a workout before anyone else was awake.  It was the feeling of strength and stability that I experienced as I moved through my routine.  On a physical, mental and emotional level I could feel the growth and development that has come over the past year and was able to celebrate it.  Part of this growth has been a result of the incredible community that I have surrounding me, and the rest has come from within.  I truly believe that taking that time out last year was a good start on this journey as knowing that I could be on my own back then, and I could be okay has made many of the challenges that I have faced a bit easier as time as passed.  I was never one to want to slow down and sit still...the thought was downright frightening.  Now I find that I am relishing the opportunity and although it still is hard sometimes to remind myself to take some time, when I do I realize just how important sitting in it really is.

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