P is for Patience

Lately I've felt like I am on the edge of something...like the next chapter is getting ready to unfold and all I need to do is continue on my path and let it all come together.  It sounds so easy and yet is probably one of the hardest things to do.  Be patient.  Trust in the instinct that tells you to not force or push and believe that by doing "nothing" you are actually doing exactly what is needed.

In my past I have not had a great ability to just be...I have found it very difficult to trust in the process and as a result have often managed to find ways to try and manipulate the outcome to what I feel it should be or what I want or need it to be.  And looking back I wonder how many of these manufactured outcomes were really and truly what would have come to be if I had just eased off a bit and trusted in the process that I was going through. 

As I think about transformation and change I think back to a book I read to the boys when they were much younger called  "The Very Hungry Caterpillar".  Spoiler Alert - it was about a caterpillar and all of the food that it ate as it was preparing to enter it's cocoon.  I feel like I have been that hungry caterpillar.  Instead of food, I have been feasting on reflection, self-care and honesty.  And now I am preparing to enter my cocoon where all of what I've taken in will contribute to my transformation.

The exciting part of this for me is the realization that the transformation isn't into some idealized version of myself that I have been chasing for as long as I can remember...the thinner, prettier, more popular person I often spent time wishing I was.  No - the person that I am finally transforming into is simply a more honest and pure version of me.  Who I really am and who I have been scared to show until now.  What has changed that is allowing me to feel ready to finally become this person?  I think that it boils down to the fact that all of the time spent "feasting" has really helped to provide clarity and has also given me the time I have needed to sit quietly and finally listen to my instincts.  To just come into myself, my true self.  I am curious and ready to see what that looks and feels like.  Already I notice that I am feeling lighter, and have a sense of ease that I have not felt before.  Finally accepting who I am and all that comes with it feels freeing instead of frightening.  I am so looking forward to emerging fully from this cocoon and being able to leave behind all of the negativity, self-doubt and frustration at always being on some sort of hamster wheel of trying to be someone or become something that I was just never really meant to be. 


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