Don't Play it Again, Sam

On a recent walk I was listening to Deepak Chopra discussing spiritual solutions to life's most difficult problems.  Someone asked him about rules to live by and he stated "I use memories but I do not allow memories to use me."  I literally stopped in my tracks and took note of it in my phone.  

Fast forward a week and the depth of that sentiment really hit home.

At the end of a morning ride this week my cycling partner and I were chatting and at one point in our conversation he looked at me and said "you know, you put yourself down a lot."  We both are fans of self-deprecating humour and liberally sprinkle it throughout our conversations, so for him to mention this to me in all seriousness really surprised me.  I am sure that I joked my way out of the discomfort of his observation in the moment, but it stuck with me.  It wasn't until a day or so later while out walking that I put two and two together.

The negative comments and jokes that I have been making about myself for so long are really just the soundtrack of the stories that I have been fed for so many years being played back on a continuous loop.  All of the things I was made to believe about myself from negative opinions about my appearance, my personality and my abilities across many different playing fields all having been internalized and normalized and now a part of my inner (and outer) dialogue.  As I made this connection, Deepak's quote came to mind "I use memories but I do not allow memories to use me."  And I realized the true power that lies within that mindset.

By using memories we are able to review and reflect on our past, to determine where we may have taken steps off of our path that did not serve us in the moment, and also to remember where we have made strong forward progress.  By not allowing our memories to use us, we maintain our resilience as we are not weighed down by our past and the old stories that may exist there.  Instead we become the witnesses of our past lives and use the lessons learned to help guide us forward.  Letting go of the hold that our memories can have over us is like unlocking chains that bind our ankles and make our journey so much harder.  It is not easy to take steps forward while being pulled backwards at the same time.

What have I gained from this unexpected lesson?  Strength.  I had no idea just how much these inner dialogues were distracting me from living in the present.  By raising my awareness and finally starting to release the hold that these old stories had on me I feel like I have a greater ability to develop new stories that provide a much more accurate and honest representation of who I am at my core.  Stories that I am creating through trial and error, curiosity and discovery and believing in my true self.

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