Ghosts

Lately I have been feeling like I am finally taking charge of my life.  Not that I had been floating around and meandering up until now.  It has been more a sense of coming into myself I suppose, and not being afraid to make choices based on my needs and wants, and not what I think others may expect of me.

It sounds like common sense, of course you should live your life for you and pursue those things that will bring you joy and a sense of purpose.  But oftentimes those decisions feel like the very ones that will put you on the other side from what you believe others may expect from you.  As much as I have looked up to those who walk the talk and differentiate themselves by their direction and decisions and ability to follow their hearts, secretly I have been afraid to demonstrate the same bravery in my own life.

I have had moments when I have gone out on a limb and tried something new, or pursued a goal that has been on my radar, where I swear I have heard voices.  These voices are not encouraging me to continue moving ahead or to keep trying when I fall down.  These voices are doing the opposite - injecting fear of failure, criticism and "I told you so" into my mind.  What I have also noticed is that these voices do not sound like me...they sound like ghosts from my past.  Remnants of past relationships and friendships that went sour and that I thought I had moved on from.  

As painful as these voices and thoughts are to process, they also serve a purpose.  They remind me where I have come from, and all of the work I have done and distance I have traveled emotionally, physically and spiritually.   Although many of the voices I hear do sound like ghosts from my past, some have taken on my voice as well, and those are the ones that I am most interested in listening to and working on.  

I cannot change what has already taken place in my life, and I am finally at a place where I can let the hurts from the past go.  What I will put energy towards is changing the narrative that I listen to as I move forward, from messages of reprimand and criticism to those filled with kindness and love. 

Allowing these ghosts from the past to move on and no longer haunt me is truly a gift and one that I am ready to receive and by doing so I know that I am freeing myself to be open to all that lies ahead.


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