Departures and Arrivals

 Thinking back to this time last year as we were ready to usher in 2020 and all the hopes and expectations that came with a year with such an iconic number attached to it.  20/20 vision - clarity, hindsight and looking ahead.  Then 2020 arrived and for the first couple of months seemed like it was going to be okay...until it was not.  And I'm sure that I do not need to go into deep details around what this year has been like for the most of us.  Suffice it to say that it will likely go down in most people's books as a year like no other.  

So while it is hard to look at the past year with any sort of bittersweet nostalgia, I can't help but consider all of the unexpected things that took place that weren't necessarily negative.  This is not in any way meant to diminish the real struggles that so many people have faced and still are facing, and likely will continue to face well into the coming year.  What I can't help but see is that despite the negativity that 2020 brought with it, there have been some positives that came as well and I want to put energy into those instead of feeding the negative headlines.

On my run this morning a favourite song came on, and really resonated with me as I think back to the year that has been.  Lucky Man, by the Verve is the song, and the lyrics below are the ones that I was feeling deeply - 

    Happiness
    Something in my own place
    I'm stood here naked
    Smiling, I feel no disgrace
    With who I am

    Happiness
    Coming and going
    I watch you look at me
    Watch my fever growing
    I know just who I am

As I listened to those words and thought about where I find myself now as opposed to where I started the year, I smiled.  For the first time in my life I can say with certainty that I feel NO disgrace with who I am.  And I also know myself in a much deeper and more authentic way than I ever have before.  The gift that I was given this year was the gift of space and time to really sit with myself and finally discover and then accept who I am.  I would never have gotten this far without being forced to slow down and be still and for that I will always remember this year as one that did provide me with the 2020 vision I needed.  

So perhaps there will be a little piece of me that does feel bittersweet as this year departs and a new year arrives, and a bigger piece of me that will wait with wonder to see what this new arrival brings with her for the year ahead.
            
  


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