Managing False Flats and Head Winds

In cycling there are two circumstances where I really notice my energy and ability being challenged.  One is called a False Flat - the road you are riding on does not appear to have an incline, no noticeable lift to the naked eye, but boy oh boy do your legs notice it.  It is often the most minor increase in pitch, say .5 to 1% and although it does not sound like much on paper, believe me when I say it adds up.  Suddenly you go from sailing along to starting to grind and yet when you look ahead, you cannot see a valid reason for this growing sensation of discomfort.  The second one is more obvious, the dreaded Head Wind.  It is much more obvious because it literally involves riding into winds that are pushing back at you, often unrelentingly.  You can see it in the bend of tall grasses and flapping flags as you slowly ride past and meanwhile all that is running through your head is "please let there be a turn up ahead that will change this from a head wind to a tail wind!"  

Both situations require that you "dig deep" and keep moving those pedals despite the overwhelming desire to do just the opposite.  After awhile I find that your mind and body starts to acclimatize to what is happening and you are able to ride through whatever the situation and accompanying discomfort is until you do finally reach a moment of reprieve.  

Off the bike I discovered that these same sensations can and do occur and for me it takes place when I am living life in conflict with my inner truth.  The most recent example I have to share was taking place leading into the holidays mid-December.  I was feeling off...what I was thinking was burnt out from work and the demands of working so much more virtually than ever before.  Too much screen time and time spent returning emails and texts and other online communications.  Although that was my first instinct around what I was feeling and why, it didn't exactly feel right...didn't quite sum up what was going on.  There was more to it.

I remember one day having a flashback to the last time I remember feeling a similar way, this sense of being overwhelmed.  It was back when Duncan was a newborn.  He was a colicky baby, and was nursing so as a result I spent most of my days holding him and trying to console him, stop him from crying and feeding him.  I reached a point where I told my midwives that I felt like I was drowning in touch and closeness, and that I felt like I needed space to just regroup without anyone near me or touching me.  The feelings I had in December were a definite echo of those days, minus the crying baby.  The sense of needing to create and hold space where I could just be without interaction or expectations.  

I was still muddling these thoughts around when I went for a walk with my dear friend and through the course of our conversation, I came to realize something that both surprised me and at the same time made me feel a sense of relief at finally having an idea of what was going on with me.  After so many years of assuming that I was an extrovert, I have discovered that I am actually an introvert!  An outgoing introvert (something that I would never have even assumed was possible), but an introvert all the same.  I had so many misconceptions around what it means to be introverted versus extroverted, and what I found made the most sense to me and really provided a big a-ha was around the definition of energy sources.  Extroverts tend to recharge their batteries and feel energized when reaching outwards towards others and groups.  Introverts on the other hand find their energy source from within, quiet moments of reflection, thought, and contemplation.  Well, you had me at "quiet moments of reflection".  

Realizing this about myself has helped immensely because I can now find ways to ensure that I have time built into my days where I can replenish my energy sources based on what I know deep down I need the most.  Time to be still, time to be present and time to draw inward.  Although I cannot take all of the false flats out of a bike ride and cannot always ride with a tail wind, I know that on my bike I can work through those periods of discomfort because there will be a chance to regroup and build up my energy reserves (one excellent reason for cafe stops and banana breaks en route!).  What I am learning is how to ensure that those same types of breaks take place in my days and in my life, to ensure that my inner reserves are also being restored and rejuvenated as I go, so I can push when I need to in order to make it to the next moment of intentional stillness.