Labels - What I Feel Doesn't Change Who I Am

The other morning I was struggling to get myself out of the house for a run.  Since the time change and season change has begun, this is something that I have encountered more and more.  I said to myself "I'm not motivated to run" and the weight of that sat with me.  I did manage to coerce myself to get dressed and go and did feel better for having pushed a bit.  What struck me while I was on my run was the realization that it wasn't that I am not motivated, it was a matter of not FEELING motivated.  There is a subtle but real difference between those two statements.  One is a description or label that I put on myself (not motivated) and the other is naming a feeling in the moment that would pass when given time.

I started to think about the number of times that I have done this - taken a feeling and placed it upon myself as a label.  To get a feel for how this can have impact, try this quick exercise:  say the following statement out loud and pause to see what you notice about how you react.  

"I am sad."

Then once you are ready, say this following statement out loud, and again pause to see what you notice about how you react.

"I feel sad."

My experience of this exercise was interesting.  I found that when I said the first statement I noticed a real physical and emotional sag - it felt heavy and my energy felt lower.  When I said the second statement I still felt the feeling of sadness in my body but it was on a different level.  It was more of an overlay as opposed to an identity.  It allowed me to express how I was feeling without that feeling becoming a statement of who I am.  As I thought more about this, I was reminded of an experience I had this summer.

One morning I saw a pair of lovely swans just paddling along and enjoying the start of their day.  One had two rather large tags attached to its wings and I wondered how difficult it might be for that swan to fly as a result.  The tags didn't seem to bother it too much, as it went about looking for food and paddling with its mate, but the image of those tags stayed with me.

It made me think about how we often have our own tags, or labels, attached to us and what the impact is for us in our lives.  My guess is that the tags on that swan were likely to help track it's habitat patterns and other details that may be important for the survival of the species going forward.  As humans we often end up having labels attached to us that are not necessarily important nor helpful.  In fact, many of the labels that we do end up carrying with us end up being harmful and restrictive.

So as I sit here and think more about my experience of feelings, I realize just how often I have fallen into the trap or pattern of turning a feeling into a label and then carrying that around with me.  And these labels apply to seemingly positive and negative mindsets.  In my opinion saying that I am happy is a hard label to carry around as it creates an expectation that if I am happy, then I do not have permission to be unhappy or feel something other than a positive vibe.  That is not possible or healthy as we all have ebbs and flows and ups and downs and they are all just a part of experiencing a full life.  

What does this all mean?  For me, it is a great reminder to be aware of the internal and external dialogue that I have around who I am and what I may be feeling or experiencing in a given moment.  A reminder that despite the fact that I may see myself as a rather motivated person, I too will have days or moments when that push is just not there.  It doesn't suddenly mean that I am an unmotivated person, I just means that maybe I need to give myself a break, or maybe need to evaluate what it is that I am working towards to ensure that it really is in alignment with what matters to me.  It feels like giving ourselves permission to feel without changing our self-image is a real gift and one that we all deserve to be given.