Embracing Our Heart's Truth

 February can be a tricky month...lots of talk of love and a focus on being partnered.  I debated posting anything to do with love at all simply because of the time of year but then decided that self love is something that we can and need to talk about all year round.

At the start of the year I began marathon training, as mentioned in a couple of earlier posts.  I was not in love with the process this time around, but reminded myself that I am not someone who backs out of things she has committed herself to, so I continued to fight against the feelings I had and stuck with the program.  Until one day when a funny feeling I had led me to my bathroom mirror and lo and behold I had the start of a cold sore coming on.  I was shocked - for me, cold sores are a pretty ultimate sign of my body being under stress.  They actually were the "tell" before a pregnancy test even confirmed it when I was expecting both of the boys.  I would notice the cold sore coming up and then would see two lines on the test strip.  So seeing this popping up stopped me in my tracks, literally.  My body was sending a very clear signal, and to ensure I didn't miss it, I actually ended up with three cold sores...a tiny cascade if you will.  Fortunately some cream and supplements helped to clear it all up fairly quickly, with the message behind the sores left to linger.  

I felt grateful that my body decided to use cold sores as the emergency brake this time, as opposed to the massive hamstring pulls that I have endured in years previous.  I feel like the Universe and I are coming to an understanding that I have done enough work now that I can be trusted to notice things, even those things I would rather not notice, and to take the necessary action in response.  I decided to change my race registration to a half-marathon from the full and not only did the cold sores go away, the weight that I had been carrying around on my shoulders eased up as well.  I went for a run a few days later and as clear as a bell I heard myself say "I don't want to train or run a marathon".  Well then, we won't.

This has also led me to the mantra and idea of embracing my heart's truth.  I repeat this on a daily basis now, as a reminder and intention:

    I am embracing my heart's truth.  I am releasing old stories.

And I feel this taking place, slowly but surely every day.  Opening my heart up and allowing it to speak its truth to me, and at the same time loosening my grip on the stories that I have had reinforced and replayed over the years.  Although this practice may not seem like it involves rocket science, it is not quite as easy as it may appear.  Because often our heart's truth is something that we have learned to block out or shush while we cling and pursue those images of ourselves that we think we are supposed to achieve or live up to.  Pursuing goals and trying to be someone or achieve something that will allow us to feel like we are living up to an ideal that in reality is not ours to attain.  Listening to our heart's truth may require us to suspend judgement for a little while, and to lean deeply into trust and the belief that what we hold in our hearts is ultimately what is meant for us, when we are our truest selves.