Honouring How I Want to Feel

"I Honour How I Want To Feel"  

That was the journalling card that I chose the other morning.  As I read the card's message I started to think about some of the choices and decisions that I had made lately and then thought about some of the choices I had made going back a year or two and noticed something.  Very rarely had I made decisions based upon how I wanted to feel.  More often than not, I had based my choices and goals on how I thought I should feel, patterns of what I usually did or tried to do, or what I thought others expected of me.  I started to really think about situations where I had made choices based on these external criteria, and what the eventual outcomes had been.  How had I felt upon completing the task, reaching the goal or following the path that my choice had created.  More often than not, I was unsatisfied, unhappy or unsettled, or unable to actually get to where I thought I wanted to be.

This led me to start wondering about what it would be like to make decisions and choices based on how I wanted to feel and honouring that as a guide in my decision-making process.  It felt a bit strange at first, to consider prioritizing how I want to feel over what I thought I should feel or do.  It also felt liberating.  It felt like actually listening deeply to that little voice and to my gut instinct and trusting that they know exactly what needs to happen next.  And believing on some level that I do, too. 

With this in mind I have started to include a new filter in my decision-making process.  When faced with a question about what my next best step will be, I consider the options and then pause to ask myself "how do I want to feel?" as my ultimate outcome.  Setting aside the usual "what do I want to accomplish?" or "what will others think about my decision?" to put consideration on...me.  

Despite the initial feelings of selfishness that often accompany actions that centre on my experience and well-being, I have found that taking that pause to reflect has helped me to set goals for myself that feel much more aligned with who I am, and goals that I am actually wanting to pursue.  It also has taken pressure off of performance or outcome and placed it on being present in the moment and enjoying the process as a whole.  Instead of disconnecting with what I am doing in order to simply achieve something, I have a sense of connection to the journey because it is ultimately tied to the feelings that I want to cultivate along the way, and those hold much higher importance to me these days than any check mark in a box ever will.  

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