Seeing Beyond the Crack

Richard Wagamese released a book entitled Embers: One Ojibway's Meditations, and I cannot recommend it enough.  It is filled with pages of insights and beautiful thoughts, and if you have the ability to listen to it as an audiobook, it resonates even more deeply.  

One of his passages has really resonated with me lately, and I wanted to share it with you as I start this post:

    "When there's a crack in my mirror, I can't see myself as I am--all I see is the crack.  The crack tells me          that there is something wrong with me, that I'm not enough and that this is how others see me, too.  It's          not a question of finding a better mirror.  It's about seeing beyond the crack.  I am not, not ever will be,          perfect.  But I don't need to live for approval.  I need to live for acceptance and joy in the unique,                  worthy, lovable, beautiful, sacred being that I am and to celebrate the same thing in others.  That's seeing       beyond the crack.  I'm learning to love my imperfections; in the end, they make me who I am, in all my          flawed glory."

For me, the crack I have been focusing on has been related to what I have felt that I am not...things I have not done or accomplished, and parts of me that I have dismissed or felt embarrassed or ashamed of.  It is amazing how easy it can be to focus on those parts at the detriment of all of the positives that also exist.  Almost like taking a beautiful flower and putting it in the shade and ignoring it and putting all of your focus on the parts of the garden that haven't grown the way you wished or thought they would.  Meanwhile you have this vibrant and thriving plant that maybe hasn't fit into your vision for the garden, and instead of finding a way to integrate it and celebrate it, you starve it and ignore it completely.

I have been looking at my life with a lens of curiosity and discovery...looking for those pieces of me that I have been so eager to cast away or shed and have started to gather them in for a closer look.  Often being surprised at what I have uncovered and amazed at how much I had forgotten about myself over the years.  It is almost like a reunion I suppose, becoming reintroduced to who I have been and ultimately who I am becoming.  The biggest gift in all of this has been the sense of ease that I have noticed as I no longer am bumping up against myself and struggling with my self image.  Instead I am allowing all of the parts of who I am to commingle and find room to grow together.   Over time I can see this coming together like a vibrant and beautiful patchwork quilt.  Made with love, patience and time. 


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