Do Catterpillars Feel Afraid?

 I was listening to Brene Brown's recent conversation with Father Richard Rohr on Spirituality, Certitude and Infinite Love when one comment struck me deeply - "Everyone desires transformation but no one wants to change".  Wow.  Fortunately I was clipped into my bike pedals on the trainer when I heard that, as if I hadn't been I might have fallen off of my bike.  What hit so hard about this quote was the fact that it summed up what I have been struggling with for so much of the last few years.  Wanting to see transformation in my life, and at the same time feeling resistant to changes that would need to take place in order to allow for that transformation to occur.

This got me thinking more and more about the why behind the change resistance and pretty quickly the answer that came to mind was good old fear.  The uneasy feeling that comes when you realize that you are stepping into uncharted territory and are giving up the assumption of control in order to move towards something that you are not necessarily sure of.  No matter how strong that gut instinct or desire or calling may feel, there is still a sense of "but what if" that seems to grab at your heels.  

As I reflected more on transformation and fear, I started to think about caterpillars and butterflies.  As far as being agents of change and transformation I feel that caterpillars are pretty high up there on the list.  I mean, if you think about it, they come into the world as one being and over the course of their life they transform into something completely different.  What an incredible feat and act of courage.  I wonder if they ever feel fear when they sense that it's time to build their cocoon.  I wonder if there are ever caterpillars out there who are kinda happy being caterpillars and don't really want to become butterflies.  I don't imagine that a caterpillar has a clear sense of what is going to happen when they go into their cocoon - what the journey to become a butterfly will feel like, what it will require physically and then what it will mean when they break out of their protective shell to emerge as their new self.  Talk about needing to be present and trust in the process!!  

What I have arrived at is that once again, fear is something to be noticed, acknowledged and invited in.  Fear is our way of protecting ourselves from hurt and is a natural part of transformation.  Feeling fear does not mean that you are weak or not ready to undergo a change.  It simply means embarking on your next steps will likely lead you to a place you've never been and uncertainty is often unsettling.  Thinking of those caterpillars crawling into their cocoons, having no idea of what is going to happen next is something I am going to hold onto as I prepare for transitions in my life, trusting the process and believing that what will come out of that trust will be worth the moments of fear I will face.

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