Taking Centre Stage

 For most of my life, I have been content to be behind the curtains.  To be second-in-command and to defer to others.  This has made me a very solid "team player", someone to be relied upon to promote and push forward the greater good of the group without requiring any specific acknowledgement or attention.   It has felt good to be one piece of a bigger puzzle and in the grand scheme of things, I acknowledge that we are all just that, many waves in the same big ocean.

However there are times in life when it is also important to step forward and let yourself shine.  To take fear by the hand and then take that next big step together.  And that is where I find myself these days, holding onto fear's hand and moving from behind the curtains towards centre stage.  I must say that there are a lot of bright lights that can take you by surprise as you move from the darkness of back stage to the open vulnerability of the front.  And it would be so easy to let fear pull you back to the comfort of what you know so well instead of taking a breath (or two or three) and just being still while you let your eyes adjust to your new surroundings.  This tug of war is what has made me realize just how necessary this change in perspective is for me at this point in my life.

I have come to a place where although I feel content with what I have accomplished and where I am at, I also have this nagging feeling that there is more and that the only thing holding me back, is me.  My old patterns of hiding away and being afraid to show my true self have created a pretty comfortable zone to exist within, and one that I am finding I have outgrown.  I keep nudging up against the edges of this box that I have build around myself and the resulting frustration has finally turned into a key that is unlocking a way out.  I am not sure when I decided that I needed to step back and let others move ahead.  I feel like it has been something that developed over time, through my desire to be liked and to put others at ease ahead of my own sense of happiness or worth.   While I cannot pinpoint what the cause was, I can celebrate the fact that I have managed to undo this thinking and have finally come to a place where I see the need to shed this thinking.

The nice thing about stepping out towards centre stage is that once your eyes adjust to the light, you can start to see more clearly.   You can start to see the beautiful faces of loved ones in the audience who are there to support and cheer you on.  You realize that despite being on the stage by yourself you are actually far from being alone.  

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