Where Am I?

 It struck me the other morning as I was on a walk.  This realization of where I am now in comparison where I thought (or assumed) I would be only a few years ago.  And don't get me wrong, these thoughts were not accompanied by a sense of sorrow or regret.  What I felt instead was more of an awareness of just how much has taken place and how many choices and decisions I have made in that rather short span of time. Mind-boggling.

 Let me ask you, when was the last time you stopped and gave yourself a pat on the back or acknowledged the work that goes into living our lives each and every day?  And stop yourself before you shrug and find a reason to downplay the work.  Instead, pause and think about where you were a month, six months, a year, a few years ago and then contrast it to where you are today.  Sure, there may be things that are not in your life now that you miss or wish were still there, but as you let go of that can you find evidence of the progress and shifts that have brought you to where you stand today?  And more importantly, can you find peace in some aspect of what today looks like for you?

I will honestly admit that over the past few years I have made many choices that have at times left me feeling lost and wondering just where the hell I am and what I am doing.  Waking up feeling tired of facing the next day and whatever challenges it may bring.  Realizing that the direction I was heading in what definitely not what I had planned or imagined but also believing that deep down I was ultimately moving to where I needed to be.  There were also moments of reprieve, where things eased up and I could exhale and enjoy this new path and the experiences that were becoming available to me as a result of the changes that were taking place.  

What has become more evident to me lately is that I have been really focused on results and an ending as opposed to the process and journey.  No matter how many times I may have reminded myself, or have written about the journey, I have been holding onto a deep-seated need for some type of conclusion or proof that I have not totally screwed everything up.  What has felt liberating in the past few weeks has been a sense of "lightness" as I think about where I am these days.  Knowing deep down that I would never be where I am now had I not taken the chances and made some really difficult decisions that felt scary and like taking steps backwards at times.  The lightness comes from allowing myself to feel proud of those choices and all that went with them, especially the ones that may have not seemed to make a lot of sense at the time.  

Taking pride in how we move through our lives may not come easily or feel natural for us, and may even be some of the hardest work that we face.  I encourage you to take a break to check in on where you are at, where you were and then give yourself a hug for all of the steps that you have taken to get here. 

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