Not Every Question Needs an Answer

 Wait, WHAT??!!?  

That was my initial reaction upon having this thought pop into my head.  I was on a morning run, letting my mind wander and ponder when this piece of wisdom landed front and centre,  basically up-ending the standard operating procedures I have been following all my life.  I was so certain that every question not only needed an answer, it had an answer and it was my job to figure that out before making decisions or moving forward in my life.

Once the initial shock wore off, I decided to wander down this line of thinking to see where it might lead me.  I started to think about times in my life when I was faced with big questions and what the end results were of my delayed reactions, and actions while waiting for THE answer to appear.  A very clear trend began to surface.  My desire for an answer was often the one thing holding me back from forward movement.  In reality, it was a sneaky way to procrastinate without looking like I was dragging my heels.  I wasn't putting off making a decision or facing something that made me step out of my comfort zone - I was simply waiting for a clear answer to appear so I could make an "informed decision".  

Then I started to wonder about the results of these moments of pause.  Had they served me or had they served to hold me back?  It is hard to know for certain, but what I can share is how often these same questions or themes return to the surface.  I feel like many of the bigger questions I wrestle with are the ones that remain unresolved and revisit my consciousness on a regular basis.  What would happen if I looked at them in a different light?  If I allowed them to simply be and to not need a full-blown answer or solution in order to proceed?

Not knowing the end result of a decision is something that I am not comfortable with.  This fact is something that I am acutely aware of and has been part of the reason that my five-year plan has been in the works for the past ten years.  I like the feeling of knowing where I am headed when I make a choice because the idea of making a wrong decision feels embarrassing, impulsive, and something to be ashamed of.  Before you ask me, no I would not hold a friend or loved one in the same judgement if they were to try something new and not have the desired outcome take place.  I would applaud their bravery at being open to a new adventure and would reassure them that somewhere in the journey was a nugget or two of wisdom gained.  So why can I not take those same gentle sentiments and point them in my direction?  Fear of failure, wanting to please and a desire to not mess up all come to mind as the main culprits and the recurring theme for a lot of the personal work that I have been and continue to be involved with.

As my run completed and I gave this idea more room to bounce around, I started to feel a sense of curiosity and perhaps even adventure.  What if I actually did just allow questions and options to exist and moved in directions that felt right without having an answer about where things were leading?  I have no idea at this very moment, but am open to finding out.

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