I Think the REAL "F Word" is Failure

 I can still remember the day when I was first asked if I knew what the "F word" was.  I was in primary school, probably around grade 2 or 3 at the time, and although I had NO idea, I knew that this was very important knowledge.  I wracked my young brain trying to come up with any word that started with an f that could possibly have some sort of naughty meaning.  The best I could come up with was fanny.  

Fast-forward not too long after that, to the day when I solemnly looked my mom in the eyes and told her to f*&# off.  She was justifiably shocked as was I by her reaction.  On my way home for lunch I had heard an older girl tell one of the boys she was walking with to f-off and assumed that it meant I Love You, because what else could it possibly mean?  When I explained this to my mom, she assured me that was not the meaning, and although she did not elaborate, she also did not feed me soap for lunch.  She just told me to never say it again.  Funnily enough, I didn't make the connection that I had accidentally tripped over the f-word all on my own.

Many years have passed since then, and I have not only discovered what the f word is, I have also learned it's many off-shoots and variations and how to incorporate them all into meaningful (and sometimes non-meaningful) dialogue.  What I have also come to believe is that the f word that we have all learned is really not the one that we should be banning from our daily use.  In my humble opinion, I believe that Failure is a much stronger and more damaging f word and one that I would love to see relegated to the outskirts of the English language.

When I think of the word "failure" I automatically think of the opposite of success.  My thinking becomes very black and white and unforgiving.  I can recall the uneasy emotions that tend to accompany failure as it creeps into the room and finds a place to hang out.  I also know that it tends to overstay its welcome, sticking around long after the moment has passed, inviting its friends shame and self-doubt to the party.  I often thought that failure was a motivator for me - the fear of it being what drove me to work as hard as I could to avoid having to deal with it and its repercussions.  What I have come to realize is that focusing on avoiding failure tends to also cause me to avoid trying new things or going out on a limb to push my limits.  It is much safer and easier to stick with what I know and to play small and enjoy the easy feelings of accomplishment that come with success.  Problem is, growth does not happen in that tiny, safe space.  It happens just outside of that when we push our edges and potentially fall down a few times.  

At the risk of sounding like a meme-generating machine, I feel like there is a real need for us to change the narrative around what constitutes success and how we define non-success.  I love the idea of "win or learn" as both are integral parts of growth and self-discovery.  Instead of focusing on only winning, we can also look to the moments where we didn't "win" as opportunities where real lessons are learned and carried forward to our next attempt.  Realizing that any good foundation is built over time and brick by brick is vital if we are really going to move towards those big goals and dreams that we hold for ourselves.

I also love the idea of "keep putting clay on the wheel".  In other words, keep showing up.  Consistency is the key to unlocking potential.  I know this from my marathon training and bass lessons and many of the other hobbies that I have decided to invest in.  I can say with all honesty that nothing I have pursued has come naturally or easily for me - I have had to dig in and do the work every damn day.  Even if that means just playing for 10 or 15 minutes and putting the instrument away, or doing a short, easy run instead of a long or fast one.  Showing up, lacing up, opening the book doing whatever it is that you need to do in order to move the needle is where progress lies.  And I will also confess that there are days when I absolutely curse the fact that I need to work so hard - and yes the f word has come in handy in those moments.  Then I remind myself that all of the work and determination makes the end goal feel that much more worthwhile.  And often the work that I do in one endeavor can help me out in other pursuits as well, even if it is just the notion that I keep showing up and trying my best.

I am not sure where you will fall in this debate (if this even is a debate) around failure and its abolition.  Personally, I am happy to hold onto the f word that I discovered so many years ago and will promise to never use this other one ever again.