True Nature

 The other day, walking home from my favourite coffee shop, I noticed a bird lying in the grass.  Its body was nestled into the cool, green grass and its dark wings were spread out as far as they would go.  I stopped and watched as it continued to absorb the sun's warmth, unaffected by the busyness of the other birds that surrounded it.  After a few moments, it tucked its wings back in and started to hop about, returning to more typical bird-like behaviour.  I smiled as I continued on my way, feeling like I had witnessed something special.  

The more that I reflected on this sunbathing bird, the more I thought about the assumptions and impressions of nature we hold versus the truth or reality that exists.  The narratives that we believe because they have been given to us and reinforced, regardless of how accurate they are.

A few days later, as part of a final assignment in my psychology course, we were all given a personality test to complete.  It was a simple self-report survey that measured our personality traits against what is known as "The Big Five" - Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism.  I had a fair idea of how I would rank on these and was mostly correct, except for my score on extraversion.  Much to my surprise, extraversion was my second-highest trait!  How could this be???  I had been so sure that my pendulum had swung to the introverted side of things - I don't seek out large groups, tend to feel exhausted after being exposed to a lot of socializing, and prefer a quiet night in with a book to a loud night out on the town.  Despite these seemingly obvious introverted traits, I had noticed a shift happening lately, which I could not deny.  I was starting to enjoy being around people.

As a young child, I was often described as someone who would talk to a lamp post, and this was very true.  I remember a day when I was so excited about an upcoming trip to A&W for a meal that I knocked on my next-door neighbour's door to tell her the news.  I am quite sure that this took place well before noon and I am grateful for her patience with me.  So how did a kid who had no problem speaking to anyone and everyone who would listen eventually become someone who shied away from speaking at all?  Over the years I found myself preferring to be a wing-person to others, standing outside of the spotlight, and being very careful to not draw obvious attention to myself.  Sure my appearance might have done that for me, but I certainly wasn't going to raise my hand in class or assume that anyone really cared to hear my thoughts or opinions.  

Words are powerful; it strikes me as sad and amazing to realize how potent their message can be.  It only takes being told so many times that you are too much before you start to believe it and start finding ways to try and be less.  It often takes courage to begin believing that maybe the message you had been given was incorrect, and maybe your true nature is exactly what the world needs.  Much like that sunbathing bird, I feel like I am starting to stretch out my wings and move back toward my intuitively true nature.