The Power of Song

 I never would have thought that I would experience a moment of growth while shopping in a Dollarama.  And yet...

Last weekend I found myself visiting my local Dollarama, picking up some odds and ends, when I noticed the introductory strains of a song that had begun to play.  I had not heard this tune for at least fifteen years and was quite surprised when it came on.  The song was tied to a pivotal relationship in my life that started off sweet and ended up quite sour.  It was a relationship that I had written off as being entirely negative, as I could not find a way to come to terms with seeing it any other way.  And then I heard this song.  One of "our" songs and it took me back.  

It transported me to a time when our relationship was new and exciting, and I was filled with hope for what might be.  Sure we had some ups and downs along the way, but I was willing and able to look past those while focusing on how full my heart felt.  The emotions I felt, the adrenaline, and the passion were all something new, unknown, and addictive.  The more I felt, the more I wanted to feel.  And as this song played on, the memories came flooding back.

As I wandered aimlessly up and down the aisles, paying more attention to the music than anything on the shelves, I felt my heart beginning to crack open.  It started slowly, and then grew, much like the Grinch's experience when he realized the meaning behind Christmas.  I wanted to push aside the feelings of love I was being flooded with, to focus on the more painful memories of how we ended, but I couldn't.  I realized that I needed to feel this, I needed to acknowledge that despite how things turned out, there was a time when I was head over heels in love and was ecstatic about it.  

When the song ended I was left holding a few random items, and a sense of clarity and closure.  I could allow this paradox to exist without diminishing the feelings of hurt I experienced or canceling out the joy and love I had also enjoyed along the way.  I could acknowledge both and the growth that each brought my way.   

Leaving the store I could not help but reflect on what had just happened, and how much I had needed that experience.  I thought about relationships I have had since, and how hard I had been working at protecting my tender heart.  Those three or so minutes of bittersweet memories gently reminded me of the highs that accompany lows, and to feel one I will likely feel the other as well.  I have been trying very hard to minimize my downside risk and as a result, have minimized my upside potential.  This needs to change, and more importantly, I know I am ready for it to change.  

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