Playing With the Dimmer Switch

 If you are like me and tune into astrological forecasts and downloads, you will know that we have entered a time of looking at relationships in our lives and evaluating the ones to keep and the ones to let go.  These can be relationships of a romantic, friendly, or job-related nature, and I have also been feeling a pull towards evaluating the relationship I have had with myself.

I say "have had" because I cannot deny that in the past months, I have been experiencing a shift in perspective around the nature of this relationship and the aspects of it that I feel ready to shed.

Have you ever taken a moment to sit and think about the adjectives that come to mind when you ask the question "Who am I?"  Perhaps you have never asked the question.  It is a powerful one, and an insightful exercise to experience.  What came up for me were some very well-worn and outdated narratives that I have carried around for too many years.  When discussing this with my therapist lately, she was taken aback by the disconnect between how I see myself and how she sees me.  This is someone who has known me and worked through some intimate and difficult seasons of my life for the past fifteen-plus years, and I know that she speaks her truth.  As we looked at my list versus what she has and does know of me, I was also surprised by the gaps.  

My list was limited to mundane and expected characteristics, such as reliable, dependable, pragmatic...you get the idea.  I never once alluded to the various hobbies or pastimes I have embarked upon or the difficult and life-changing decisions I have made over the years.  When she brought these up to me I quickly glossed over them as though they weren't worth mentioning or appreciating.  It felt awkward to admit that perhaps I had done a thing or two in my time that has been notable or deserving of pride or acknowledgment.  It felt easier to just sweep that under the rug and focus on the things that feel much less braggy or vain.  

It left me reflecting on how we are often encouraged to dim our lights and hold back on enjoying our accomplishments, for fear of upsetting others or being seen as full of ourselves.  It is often more acceptable to belittle and self-deprecate and allow others to lift us up.  How ridiculous of a notion that is.  After all the time, energy, and emotional investment required to move forward in our lives, we then feel the need to hide the work, keep our heads lowered, and simply go about our business like nothing happened at all.

In this new energetic season, I am calling bullsh*t on that.  I am going to swallow the discomfort and start playing with the dimmer switch, allowing the light to shine a bit more brightly when it feels appropriate, and am also going to make sure that others are doing the same.  Imagine the power we could uncover if we were to authentically share our triumphs and held space for others to do the same!  The ripple effect would be astounding and the positive outcomes would magnify.  I feel like now more than ever we need an upward spiral of energy and hope.  So adjust your dimmer switch and shine on my friends.