Channeling Goldilocks

 It will probably come as no surprise that I am not the type of person who tends to identify with the main characters of fairy tales.  Despite years of hearing these stories and internalizing their messages, I have never seen myself as a fairy princess in need of rescue by a knight on a stallion.  What I have come to realize this week, though, is that Goldilocks and I appear to have some things in common.

Although I have not found myself breaking and entering into strangers' homes, eating their food, trying out their chairs, and ultimately falling asleep in their beds, I do identify with her struggle around finding what feels "just right".  Her search to find a perfect balance between too much and too little feels very much like where I am in my life these days.

This past semester at school has been a catalyst for me, forcing me to take a closer look at where balance exists (and doesn't exist), and find ways to tip the scales towards equilibrium.  Much of what tends to throw off my efforts to optimize my time is a deeply held desire to be of service to others.  While I admire this quality of wanting to help others, it often gets me into time crunches and overwhelm as I put others' needs ahead of my own.  Deep down, I have come to realize that this drive to help is fueled by a need to please others, and this is where Goldilocks and I share a dilemma - being too much or too little.

I have often felt like I exist at one end of the spectrum or the other (and at times have been told or reminded of this) - I am either too much, or I am too little.  Reprimanded for taking up too much space in a room, and encouraged to become small and stay to the edges instead.  It has not been very often that I have been celebrated for being just right, and to compensate for this, I have tended towards the dark rabbit hole of people pleasing.  Saying yes without a thought to how taking on something new or added work will cause ripples in other areas of my life, making shallow promises to myself about not repeating this pattern next time, as I grind through yet another overly booked day or week.

Only recently have I been able to gain clarity about this, thanks to a busy school semester that has required me to put my focus on my own needs and important personal priorities.  As a result, it has meant that I have had to say no to requests for help.  Saying no in the moment has not been easy, nor has it felt good.  It has only been upon reflection that I could appreciate just how important those choices have been, and how much more practice I need with my self-prioritization.

Finally shedding those old tales of being too much and/or not enough and replacing them with a new story of being just right is where my work lies for the foreseeable future.  I know that much like those old fairy tales, I will need to hear that new narrative time and time again before I can successfully internalize it and start to believe in it.  Channeling Goldilocks and her quest to find what's just right for her needs is a task that feels just right for me, too.