What's the Hurry?

 I am not someone who tends towards stillness.  I don't fidget or shake my legs when I sit still, or anything like that. My "style" of busy-ness comes in the form of always being in search of what's next.  A new goal, a new interest - anything to take up space that has been created by the completion of the last item on my list.  A song lyric I love that sums this up perfectly states, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."  Sometimes I am in search of the new beginning before the end, lest there be a gap or idle time created by indecision or a pause in activity.  This has been my pattern, until recently.

Something about last weekend's marathon experience felt different.  It wasn't because I posted a new personal best time, or that I finished the race feeling fresh and ready to tackle my next workout.  Quite the opposite.  My finishing time for this one was slower than my previous one, and my effort at the end was more intense.  I felt spent and proud of pushing past "the wall" at mile 20 (32 km) to make it across the line under my own steam, and I also felt something else.  I felt like I was ready to take it all in and reflect before making any new goals or future plans. 

That desire to pause and reflect didn't just stay with me for the day or two that followed, either.  As the days came and went, I found myself feeling better able to look at my experience and focus on the positives and areas for improvement that it presented.  All with the mindset of curiosity and growth - what would be possible if I were to approach the next one (because, yes, there will be a next one) in a different manner?  Instead of being solely focused on my time, I was able to expand my frame of reference to the entirety of the day and the many weeks leading up to it, and with that widened aperture, I was able to look at things more objectively and come away from the experience feeling excited to move forward again.

Taking that pause was instrumental in this process and is something new for me.  As much as I know that slowing down is often the best way to move forward, it is so very hard to put what we know into practice sometimes, especially when we are driven by achievements.  This practice has also allowed me to weigh some options that I may not have taken into consideration had I simply decided to put my nose back on the grindstone right away.  

Has it been easy to dial things back?  Nope.  Have I struggled to feel at ease while crossing days off the calendar and dreaming about the months ahead?  Yep.  Am I feeling more physically, mentally, and emotionally ready to move ahead now that I have taken this break?  You bet!  I can't wait to get back at it and start working towards my next race, and I feel like, for the first time in a long time, I will be approaching my preparation with a mindset centred on abundance and from a place of true readiness as opposed to operating in a state of fear or worry about losing an edge by temporarily taking a log off the fire. 

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