Capacity and Reality Check

 Raise your hand if you like to engage in what I call "The Grocery Bag Challenge".  For those who are unsure, let me explain.  The Grocery Bag Challenge is what takes place when you open the trunk of your car, after a full grocery shop, and look at the many bags lying there, and decide with complete determination that no matter what, you are carrying them ALL in one trip and one trip only.  It doesn't matter how awkward or difficult that one trip may turn out to be; it is going to happen if you have anything to say about it.  

Sometimes you may need to regroup partway to your front door, due to bag handle slippage or your hand going numb, and that's okay, it still counts as long as you pick all of the bags back up and continue on your way.  For most of us, this usually plays out in a win - we huff and puff and silently (or not so silently) curse under our breath until we can dump all of our cargo on the kitchen floor with a resounding exhale of held breath.  We would high-five ourselves at this point, but often need to let the feeling return to our arms first. 

The reason I bring this up is not that today is grocery day for me and I will once again be engaging in this ridiculous practice. It is because I realized the other day that I have been taking this challenge and applying it in other parts of my life as well.  I was at a community fire to welcome the Summer solstice last week when someone shared the idea, "What are you setting down so you can pick something else up?"  Huh.  My immediate thought was nothing - why should I need to put something down?  Why can't I just add to what I'm already carrying? I'm pretty sure I can handle more; I seem to always be able to handle more.  Or am I?

The Grocery Bag Challenge works for me because I know I can park my car behind where I live, and I know the relatively short distance I need to travel from my parking spot to the front door, where I need to set down my items to unlock the door.  Where this practice of simply adding to an already full load doesn't work is everywhere else in my life, despite my previous conviction that my capacity is bottomless. 

I have been thinking more and more about this as I engage with summer courses for school.  Instead of overloading my schedule and white-knuckling through these summer weeks, I tried something a bit different.  I set down one of the courses I had enrolled in, so I could pick up space in my calendar and sanity in my life.  And it felt good.  So good, in fact, that I am doing the same this coming semester and the one after that!  Instead of just adding to an already full load, I am swallowing my pride and admitting that I cannot do everything I think I can and instead am deciding where my limited resources are best spent.  Maybe this is on a different pursuit, or maybe it is in nothing at all.  And both are okay as long as my choice does not lead to that stifling sense of overload and overwhelm that we all become accustomed to so easily.  The slow creep of just one more thing is sneaky, and the sense of accomplishment that comes with grinding to reach a goal is fleeting and shallow because it encourages us to keep pushing our capacity limits until we eventually burn out. 

So yes, I will continue to challenge myself every week with my grocery bags, because a person needs to have something to laugh about, and there is nothing funnier than layering a ridiculous number of cloth bags on your arms and in your hands while attempting to retain some sense of composure as you stumble-step your way to the kitchen floor finish line.