Oh, damn.

 When you look back at past decisions, especially ones where you would like a do-over, what lens do you look through?  One of reproach, identifying your choice as a mistake and reprimanding yourself for not having done things differently, or maybe there is rumination about what could have been if only.  I tend to land somewhere in between these two approaches, not allowing much grace for circumstance and other factors that often influence difficult choices. That is, until I was introduced to a new way of thinking about things. 

A friend and I were discussing the feelings that accompany revisiting hard decisions, agreeing that we often see things so much differently once we have had some time and space to reevaluate surrounding circumstances.  She shared that looking at these situations from the viewpoint of " Oh, damn" was a good way of changing how we move forward.  Instead of berating ourselves and ruminating, "Oh, damn" allows us to acknowledge that we might have acted differently with different information, and also allows us to accept the choice we made and the regret we might have for that choice.  

I like this reframe because so often we can become stuck in the past as we hold tightly onto regret over things that we have no way of changing, no matter how much we wish we could.  Instead, being able to look at a past choice and realize that we no longer see things the same way and that, despite this knowledge, we also cannot change what has happened, can allow us to put our energy and focus into the present and perhaps allow us to do better for the future. 

I feel like it also allows us to hold onto these lessons a bit more easily, because they become opportunities to learn and grow instead of ways to self-criticize and belittle.  We all make mistakes, we all act in ways that we wish we could change, and we will all continue to do so, no matter how hard we try to do otherwise.  How would it feel to move forward in our lives with the mindset of trying to do right by others and ourselves, while allowing ourselves the grace of a few "Oh, damn" moments here and there?