Feeling It All

When was the last time you witnessed a young child being denied something they firmly believed was theirs?  Whether it was a turn to press the elevator button, a cold treat on a hot afternoon, or simply a specific item that they had their eye on, they do not let their disappointment in being denied go unnoticed. 

At work, I often witness these events and am always curious to see how they unfold; remembering all too well what it was like to work in child care settings and to have young children of my own to navigate these touchy moments with.  I remember the embarrassment when disapproving eyes cast their gaze my way as one or both of my young ones aired their grievances publicly, and how I felt the need to try to shush or diffuse the situation, rushing their process along. It was difficult to witness them moving through hard feelings, especially because these moments seemed to last forever. 

As an adult, there are times when I would love nothing more than to be able to revert to this style of emotional release - letting the world know just how I am feeling in no uncertain terms when things are not going the way I wish they would.  I imagine letting loose and being honest with how I am feeling, perhaps physically releasing some of what's pent up or maybe verbalizing it and honestly expressing what is going on for me instead of politely bottling it up and answering "I'm fine" when someone asks. 

While I recognize that having temper tantrums isn't the most productive way of experiencing emotions, I do believe that we all too often rush through our feelings, not allowing them to fully flow and eventually ebb.  By engaging in distractions like shopping, doing for the sake of being busy, or indulging in more pleasurable pursuits, we push down the feelings we don't want to feel until we are certain that they have worked themselves out, never fully realizing that, in effect, we are simply buying time until we are facing the very same emotions again.  After all, you can only hold a beachball underwater for so long before it pops up again. 

What would happen if we just allowed ourselves to feel it all?  We stopped labelling things good and bad and just accepted that emotions are what they are - temporary and changeable. Sometimes we can enjoy how we feel and other times, not so much, but regardless of our reaction, our feelings are valid and deserve to be recognized.  Maybe instead of ignoring how certain situations make us feel, we could gain deeper insight by observing non-judgmentally, or as my yoga teacher used to say, "notice what you notice". 

I think that to allow ourselves this opportunity, we first need to trust and believe that all feelings, the ones we enjoy and the ones we would rather avoid, are impermanent.  Joy comes and goes, and so will anger or disappointment if we let it. Maybe if we emulate a child's reaction to hard feelings and allow ourselves the grace of feeling them fully, we would also be able to do as many children do and move more quickly from despair to delight.