So close, and yet so far

 Have you ever been at a point in your life where you feel like all the work and focus are starting to pay off, and you can visualize and sometimes even feel that things are starting to fall into place?  There are days when you are certain that what you have been waiting for is just around the corner, just a little more patience on your part, and you'll be "there".  The excitement is palpable; your anticipation increases despite telling yourself to hold on and not get ahead of yourself.  And then reality checks in.  

It's not that you're nowhere near where you want to be; it's just that you aren't quite as close to your destination as you had hoped and believed you were. Sigh. What happens next?  How do you handle the feeling of being so close and yet so far?

This is something I'm nudging up against in a few areas of my life lately, and I have to admit, I am not sure there is a way to handle these feelings without adding to the rollercoaster ride of emotions involved.  Children experience these ups and downs regularly as they allow themselves to go all in on excitement over so many aspects of life, and are not shy about showing their disappointment and upset when their expectations are not met.  As adults, I feel like we often stop ourselves from fully buying into excitement over a new endeavour or dream because we know how it feels to not have it come to fruition, and instead of allowing ourselves the joy of what ifs, we dull down our expectations, assuming that things are not going to go as planned and factoring in disappointment before we even get started on our way.

Lately I've been trying to let myself feel more open to the unknowns in plans I am making, giving myself permission to dream and imagine what things would feel like if my future did unfold in a way I'm hoping.  It feels fun to explore possibilities and not dull down my future vision by entertaining the idea of things not going my way.  On the flip side, it also means that I have days when I feel very frustrated by reality - things take time, and the things we really want seem to often take forever.

I realize that what I'm describing is not new and is not something that I alone experience.  I know that this is a very common part of life, and the phrase "suck it up, buttercup" comes to mind. Instead of being hard on myself for feeling all the feelings that come with these downward spirals, I am allowing myself some time to let the feelings flow through; I know that they are not permanent, and if I let them have their moment, they will leave almost as quickly as they arrived.

Despite how hard playing the long game can be sometimes, it is teaching me lessons on how to be present with all of my feelings, not just the ones that feel good or easy to experience. While it doesn't make waiting any easier, it does make the outcome feel sweeter.