Kerri On Down The Road

 I had the opportunity to participate in a memorial run this weekend in honour of my friends' son whose life was taken last month.  I did not have the opportunity to meet Robert in person, and feel fortunate to have learned more about who he was and the impact he had through the many rich and beautiful memories that have been shared since his passing. The one idea that has stood out to me and to many others was his personal mantra of Why Wait.  It was something that he felt strongly about as a way to live his life and as I ran today I let these words tumble around in my head.  I started to think about the times when I knew what I wanted, but held back from taking a step towards it.  Those moments when I had words on the tip of my tongue but kept them inside for fear of what the reaction, or lack of reaction might be.  And the many times when I decided that I wasn't ready, or it wasn't quite time yet, or when I accomplished X then I would be ready to do Y an...

 A few months ago I decided to join the Pride Employee Resource Group at work, as I felt that it would allow me to give back to the community I have just joined, and potentially make an impact in others' lives.  I feel very strongly about the power of connection, especially at times like these and this felt like a great way to further develop my growing LGBTQ+ network.  I was welcomed with open arms and was asked to participate in an upcoming panel discussion around the importance of allies as part of the coming out and being out process.  The panel discussion was replaced by an initiative to post videos on our internal employee internet site, and the video that I was asked to submit was around the role allies have played in my coming out journey.  I was happy to take part as I am grateful on a daily basis for the love and support that I have been shown as I have embraced my truth.   What this video sparked for me was some internal dialogue on allies, ...

I was torn about what to focus on this week, as I have had the opportunity to listen to a few great podcasts and they have inspired and ignited me.   The one that I feel the closest to currently was a Brene Brown episode that she taped on the eve of the election and was focused on the idea of keeping a strong back, soft front and wild heart.   I really love this idea as I feel like this concept resonates with where I find myself these days. So often we carry armour to keep ourselves protected and limit our feelings of being vulnerable and potentially displaying weakness.   This armour results in a brittle and unyielding body and is rather cumbersome and tiring to carry around.   While covered in this protection it is difficult to relate and feel a part of anything as this shell stops us from truly being who we are and allowing others in to experience us.   One of the most difficult things that I have done over the past couple of years is sit back and admit tha...

 My dear friend Catherine Satya Stilo was a guest on the Heart to Heart podcast recently, which I had the absolute pleasure of listening to.  During that conversation there was discussion around the process that caterpillars undergo as they enter their cocoons and undergo their transformation into butterflies. What I found so interesting about this discussion was how we can draw parallels to this phenomenon in our own lives.  There is a real feeling of being limitless when we pause to think about the power of transformation that we also possess within ourselves.  Caterpillars are hardwired to build and enter a cocoon and to undergo their metamorphosis into butterflies, and in a way have an advantage over us as they don't really have a choice in the matter.  Transform or perish.   We, on the other hand, need to actually make a decision or choice to listen to the inner voice that compels us to be open to change and growth, and we then have to be prepare...

 Impostor syndrome is not something foreign to many people these days.  That nagging feeling or fear that you are not able to fully participate or show up and do/say/act a certain way because you have not fully demonstrated your worth in that capacity, or proven yourself to be capable, leading to the inner fear of being found out to be a "fraud" by others.  The judge and jury on this is usually some self-imposed ideal of accomplishment or success looks like and that is often based upon what we have seen from others or perceive to be considered "good enough".   In my life I have had this crop up professionally, physically (as in someone calls me an athlete and I very quickly provide many reasons why that is not the case), and especially when it comes to appearance or what I believe others think when they look at me (""not X enough - with X being a multitude of attributes from pretty to thin to interesting...the list goes on).  Fortunately through reflection...

I feel like I have spent the past two years on two very different journeys as far as my self development and awareness are concerned.  Last year felt like the year where I got quiet and really started to get to know who I am - the real me, on my terms.  I spent a lot of time turning over a lot of rocks that I had not felt brave enough to examine before.  Looking back I realize more and more just how necessary that work was, and although it was often uncomfortable and caused me to face some realizations that were hard, it brought me to where I find myself today.  This year has been a year spent reflecting and looking ahead.  Now that I have a firm base beneath me, I can start to build on that.  Part of the building that I have been doing is looking at the aspects of my life I want to reclaim and those that I am truly ready to let go. When it comes to what I've decided to reclaim, my true identity would be number one.  I realize now after much reflection...

Have you ever felt like the person you are presenting to the outside world is a completely different version of the one that you know to be your true self?  This is something that I had felt for so many years on and off, sometimes in a whisper and sometimes in a scream.  The feeling of doing what is expected not what feels right, to satisfy an expectation that you never actually set for yourself but strive to achieve regardless. This is the difference between living according to your inner truth versus the outer truths that we have imposed upon us.  One of the biggest realizations that I have come to accept over the past few months is that by living according to what I know to be my truth means that I will no longer identify with what society expects of me.  I will no longer be that cis-gender woman who strives to find her Prince Charming and live happily ever after.  Instead I will be a woman who finds happiness in the company of other like-minded women and who...