Kerri On Down The Road

 I have never been one to enjoy speed training.  For some reason I told myself a long time ago that I simply am not fast, never have been, never will be, and as such I find speed training to be unnerving.  Maybe it is because it forces me to confront those old messages head-on and to push past my discomfort around going fast.  Maybe it is because I hate the idea of doing things that I am not good at.  Maybe because it is hard and doesn't feel great in the moment and being safe and comfortable are the stasis that our bodies and minds tend to prefer. Regardless of the reason, I'm at the point of marathon training where speed work is coming into play, and so in the darkness of late summer mornings I am confronting the doubts and negative talk as I lace up and head out.  There has been a slow shift taking place lately, which has been impacting me both on and off the track in positive ways.  I was having a hard time putting my finger on exactly what was cha...

 I can still remember the day when I was first asked if I knew what the "F word" was.  I was in primary school, probably around grade 2 or 3 at the time, and although I had NO idea, I knew that this was very important knowledge.  I wracked my young brain trying to come up with any word that started with an f that could possibly have some sort of naughty meaning.  The best I could come up with was fanny.   Fast-forward not too long after that, to the day when I solemnly looked my mom in the eyes and told her to f*&# off.  She was justifiably shocked as was I by her reaction.  On my way home for lunch I had heard an older girl tell one of the boys she was walking with to f-off and assumed that it meant I Love You, because what else could it possibly mean?  When I explained this to my mom, she assured me that was not the meaning, and although she did not elaborate, she also did not feed me soap for lunch.  She just told me to never say ...

I asked myself this very question lot long ago, after noticing a recurring pattern.  I found that I was turning down the volume on achievements or positive accomplishments, wrapping them in an invisibility cloak and setting them aside.  In sharp contrast was my approach towards events that hadn't gone quite as planned or outcomes that fell shy of my hopes - the volume and spotlight on those were turned up to eleven for all to see and notice.   Why was I doing this - STILL?  Hadn't I been doing the work and speaking about being kind and giving ourselves grace?  How is it that despite all of the knowledge and belief I have in those principles, I was defaulting to old patterns and ways of being?  The most simple answer I have come up with is that I am human and prone to falling back into comfortable patterns, even when their outcome is uncomfortable. Instead of beating myself up any further, I decided to feel happy that I had noticed and caught this poten...

 In December 2021 I decided to revisit playing the bass.  Many years earlier I had taken lessons for a brief moment in time, encouraged by someone I was dating at the time.  (Read:  he said it would be cool so I jumped at the idea to gain approval).  It was interesting and my teacher was nice, but my heart wasn't really in it.  I played one gig at the children's library I worked at, rocked out Eency Weency Spider like nobody's business, and then hung up my instrument. Returning to lessons felt much different at this time of my life.  I was already taking piano and finding the creative stretch to be fun and challenging.  Piano had no hope once bass stepped into the picture, however.  The feel and vibe of the bass guitar spoke to me in a way that piano couldn't and eventually I shifted my energy and attention to the guitar.  As I dive deeper into learning, I can't help but notice how many of the principles I'm learning on bass also apply t...