Kerri On Down The Road

(Before I begin, I feel the need to apologize to anyone who now has a Spice Girl ear worm running through their brain...if it makes you feel any better, me too!) The reason I chose that title was because I have come to realize in the past couple of weeks just how hard it is to actually admit to myself and others what it is I really want.  And I am not talking a latte or an americano type of want.  I mean the big stuff.  The game-changing, life altering stuff.  Those deep desires and wants that we hold onto in our souls and in my case, tend to not share with others or even ourselves. I remember back many years when my first boss and mentor Gord asked me what I wanted from my career, where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do.  I felt immediate panic.  I know that I must have looked like a deer in the headlights because that is how I felt.  No one had ever really asked me this before and I can honestly say that I was not prepared nor ready to actually ...

 Last week marked a milestone for me as I celebrated turning 50 years old.  I have to say that it still seems a bit surreal that I am now fifty.  And not because I have any pangs of sadness at "being old" or regret about the years that have passed so far.  I have to say that when I look back and reflect on what the past fifty years have given me, all that comes to mind is the many life lessons that I am now carrying forward into my next fifty. A large part of the ease with which I welcomed this birthday comes from the friends and family that I have in my life.  When I look around at who I have surrounded myself with, the overwhelming vibe is one of being at peace and feeling comfortable with the people that we have all become.  Sure we may feel insecurities or disappointments from time to time but it seems like we all tend to sit on the content side of the spectrum as opposed to the wishing for things to be different side.  I actually can't think of an...

 I woke up this morning to a light rain that turned into a thunderstorm.  As plans of getting an early morning run in started to fade, I felt a mix of anxiousness and relief.  Anxiety at not being able to follow the plan to get that run in and relief in the knowledge that I really could use a rest day to replenish and give myself a moment or two to feel refreshed. It is a practice, not a perfect, for me to come to these realizations as the underlying fear of losing fitness is something that I am often facing. Especially when I start to notice that I have become stronger or my performance in one of my chosen hobbies has improved.  There is an underlying drive to continue to push as "this is IT" my chance to really get somewhere....but where is that exactly?  I was talking with my friends just this weekend about how our perception of accomplishments becomes quite distorted over time.  Take cycling for example, a short ride for us is often something that peopl...

With things opening back up again lately, and a few in-person meetups taking place, I have found myself travelling to the west end of the city.  Being an east-end girl, I have very little knowledge of streets and how to get places that are west of the DVP, so have started travelling with GPS.  I must say it is kind of beautiful, just plug in where we are and where we want to be, press start and we are guided to our destination.  We can go into autopilot allowing for this external voice to guide us, with the premise that as long as we stay on the path that has been determined to be in in our favour, we will get to our end point safe and sound. If you are anything like me, sometimes we may take an extra turn or miss a turn that was not in the original plan, and then hear a loud voice - recalibrating - as a new path is quickly put together.  In those recalibration moments, how do you feel?  Embarrassed?  Ashamed?  Annoyed?  Relieved? I used to feel ...