Kerri On Down The Road

When was the last time that you did something just for the sake of doing it?  If someone asked why you were participating, your immediate response would be "Why not?" and that would be all the reason that you required.  I had one of those moments just this weekend when I took my oft-neglected motorcycle out for a spin.   The day prior I had been talking with my brother and parents about riding and about my bike and how much I enjoyed it and yet had not been taking advantage of opportunities to get out.  During the conversation, my brother put it simply "just take it out for a little boot" and I decided that the next afternoon I would take his advice.  Seemed simple enough on paper, just get out and do something that I enjoy for the sake of doing it.  In reality, I found myself struggling with the idea of not having a purpose for my outing.  I was not going anywhere to do anything or pick anything up or visit anyone, I would simply be riding around...

 I love new beginnings or continuations that feel like fresh starts.  I recently celebrated my 52nd birthday, and as I set off on another trip around the sun, it felt like the perfect opportunity to reflect on where I find myself these days. What has been standing out for me lately has been the shift in my thinking around some of the goals I am working towards.  I have a few big ones lying ahead of me, namely the Chicago Marathon, some upcoming gigs with a band I have joined, and some writing goals that excite me.  What I have been noticing lately is hesitation around the work involved in reaching these goals.  I have felt internal resistance towards practicing, training and even putting pen to paper at times.  It is not that these goals have become less important or I have changed my mind about wanting to achieve them.  And I have not lost interest or appreciation for these endeavours.  So what has caused these roadblocks to be erected? I realize...

 As I near the finish line of my training plan, and the starting line of the Chicago Marathon, I am dealing with a lot of mental noise.  Some of the themes are not new, and centre on questions of my ability to complete the training I have left (a big week is on the horizon!), how I may or may not fare in the event itself, and what my running plans might be after this event is complete.  What I find interesting is the absence of thoughts that focus on the present moment.  Instead of noticing how I am feeling at any one moment in time, I am either ruminating about how I felt the last time I went out, or anxious about how I might feel on the next run.  I am quite sure that I am not alone in this, not only in the realm of folks who are preparing for a meaningful event of some sort, but also for folks who are simply living everyday life.  It is extremely difficult to be present, and to be able to notice when you are not. A few years back I was given a very painf...

 When I first started to run, I would never call myself a runner.  I was simply someone who liked to get up early, and run.  The first time someone called me a runner, I flinched.  Hearing that added "er" at the end of run somehow made it seem more serious, like I suddenly had responsibility to BE a runner.   A similar experience took place recently when I was referred to as a writer.  Again, a bit of a flinch as I heard that "er" added to the end of write.  Sure, I am someone who likes to write, and who is going to be focusing more on writing, and who is planning on continuing to bring her words into the world.  But a writer...eeek...writers are folks whose books I read, and whose ideas and creativity inspire me.  How in the world could I be considered to be in that same club? It's funny how going from the idea of doing something to being something caused such a reaction in me.  How quickly the imposter syndrome roared to the front...