Kerri On Down The Road

I feel like I have spent the past two years on two very different journeys as far as my self development and awareness are concerned.  Last year felt like the year where I got quiet and really started to get to know who I am - the real me, on my terms.  I spent a lot of time turning over a lot of rocks that I had not felt brave enough to examine before.  Looking back I realize more and more just how necessary that work was, and although it was often uncomfortable and caused me to face some realizations that were hard, it brought me to where I find myself today.  This year has been a year spent reflecting and looking ahead.  Now that I have a firm base beneath me, I can start to build on that.  Part of the building that I have been doing is looking at the aspects of my life I want to reclaim and those that I am truly ready to let go. When it comes to what I've decided to reclaim, my true identity would be number one.  I realize now after much reflection...

Have you ever felt like the person you are presenting to the outside world is a completely different version of the one that you know to be your true self?  This is something that I had felt for so many years on and off, sometimes in a whisper and sometimes in a scream.  The feeling of doing what is expected not what feels right, to satisfy an expectation that you never actually set for yourself but strive to achieve regardless. This is the difference between living according to your inner truth versus the outer truths that we have imposed upon us.  One of the biggest realizations that I have come to accept over the past few months is that by living according to what I know to be my truth means that I will no longer identify with what society expects of me.  I will no longer be that cis-gender woman who strives to find her Prince Charming and live happily ever after.  Instead I will be a woman who finds happiness in the company of other like-minded women and who...

When I first thought about writing and posting today's blog, I wavered between a sense of certainty and moments of doubt.  How would it be received?  Do I really need to put this out there?  And if the answer to the last question is yes, then why?  I carried this idea with me on several walks, runs and bike rides over the past few weeks and finally came to the decision that yes, I did need to create this post and as far as why, because it felt like the right time. Back in late April/early May I ended the first post-divorce relationship that I had entered since moving forward with my life.  The relationship was not a "bad" one...I had no concerns around how I was being treated,or the expectations of me within the relationship. For all intents and purposes it was a nice soft place to land.  Despite those positives, there was still a nagging feeling of things not being quite right...a sense of something being off.  I had started to feel this way a couple ...

 I thought it was just the change of seasons that was affecting me...the darker mornings, the cooler weather, no more early bike rides.  I couldn't put my finger on it, but I was definitely feeling different.  Not energized, not wanting to leave my bed, struggling to do the things that only weeks earlier had brought me joy and I had no trouble engaging in.   And as much as all of those reasons made sense, they didn't help the fact that I was feeling like someone had taken away one of my batteries and I was functioning on half power all of a sudden.  Then I listened to the latest Unlocking Us podcast with Brene Brown and things started to make sense (as they often do after listening to Ms. Brown) The episode  was one where she was talking about what was on her mind, and one of the topics she covered was based on an article entitled " Your Surge Capacity is Depleted - It's Why You Feel Awful "  and suddenly things started to make sense.  In a n...