Kerri On Down The Road

 There are some words in the English language that seem to carry a texture or sensation with them.  I feel like grace is one of those words.  In my mouth and mind it feels light, airy, delicate and soft.  I feel like there is an innate kindness woven into it, both when we give grace to others or receive grace ourselves.  I also feel like there is an elusiveness to it - almost like looking at a shape in a cloud, there one minute and changed the next. So what it is about grace that makes it stand out for me in such a way?  Lately I have been taking more notice of how I relate to myself and my inner narratives and have realized how often these interactions are lacking in grace.  Despite the work that I have done to rewrite and reconnect with myself, in times of stress or tiredness I notice that there is a natural tendency towards a sharper and more exacting narrative.  In these moments grace is replaced by self-judgement and doubt.  It is only w...

 Lately I've been riding a wave of feelings.  I am knee-deep in marathon training for a couple of spring races and although I knew that the physical training would bring sensations with it, I didn't expect the depth of feelings that it would stir up.  This is not my first time training for a big race but it is my first time using the training program that I have decided upon.  This was a decision I came to after suffering through a couple of races last year and realizing that I was training myself to have these uncomfortable experiences, so something needed to change.  This new program feels much different; some weeks feel comfortable and I almost forget the end goal that I'm working towards.  Other weeks are less so - higher volume runs and also new training protocols that I have never tried before.  And with those weeks come the feels.  All the feels - fear, uncertainty, doubt, curiosity, and eventually surprise and happiness as I check another ...

This is a hard one for me to wrap my head around, and yet it is something that I know I need to work on.  Learning to value the effort that is put into an action versus the outcome of that effort.  Where did I even arrive at this notion?  A conversation with a friend on the weekend discussing school and running and things I am taking on where I know I need to let go of being hung up on outcomes, but have also been unsure about how to do so. The advice he gave me really made me stop and think - put the emphasis on the effort that you place on working towards the goal that you have and value that over the final outcome.  I found this interesting because it is the complete opposite of what I naturally am drawn to do.  I tend to be someone who decides to work towards a goal and then all of my focus is put towards that goal.  The work and hard effort that is invested in moving towards the goal seems to be diminished over time by the growing importance of the end...

I want to start by saying that this is NOT a post about technology or trying to upsell you on internet services.  What this is about is the similarities I have noticed between energy levels and the number of silent "programs" that we may having running in the background of our lives.  Speaking personally, I have been noticing lately that there are days when my mental capacity to clearly sort through my days feels quite limited.  Like I have run out of bandwidth and have very little ability to take on anything new, never mind work on the things that I see before me.  When this happens I am often left wondering why - I can't easily identify the cause of this lack of energy or energy drain, meanwhile I am feeling it very strongly. In my mind I see this relating to our computers and how they slow down if we keep too many tabs open on our browser.  All of these background programs are running and eating away at the computer's capacity to manage the tasks that we are ...