Kerri On Down The Road

 This past weekend marked my first in-person and out Pride.  And what a weekend it was!  It was incredible to share space with so many others and to do so in the spirit of celebration.  What struck me this weekend was just how much I needed there to be a place and time to feel really comfortable in my own skin.   For the past two years, I have been able to be vulnerable by choice, and have been able to control just how much I did and did not share.  I could remove myself from others as I felt I needed to and could also choose to surround myself with people I felt were allies.  As things have started to open up, and there are more opportunities to integrate back into social activities, I have noticed a real uncertainty bubbling up inside of me.  When I looked at these feelings of apprehension what I came to realize was that they weren't based upon a fear of illness or getting sick, they were firmly rooted in being seen by others for who I am....

 I woke from a dream this morning that really made me stop and think.  In this dream a previous boss of mine was observing me working through an unexpected issue in my day.  Her being there was completely out of rational context as it has been a few years since we were in touch and geographically she lives nowhere near me.  However, such is the stuff of dreams.  During the dream she simply was present, witnessing and not saying anything while I continued through the situation at hand.  At the conclusion of the dream, as she was getting a jacket on and preparing to leave she turned to me and said that she could see how much potential I had all along and apologized for not noticing and mentioning it years ago.  I woke up feeling a mix of puzzlement and peace, realizing that despite the fact I had moved on from that job (for the reasons that she mentioned in the dream) I still had a deep desire to hear her say those words.   As I reflected on th...

This mantra came to me the other morning as I sat quietly at the start of my day.  I was still processing a week where I found out that although I had been a strong candidate for two different roles at work, I had not ended up being the applicant of choice.  Both of these roles were a bit of a stretch for me, and would have provided a great chance to learn and grow and feel like I had really moved forward in my career.  I understood the decisions that were made, and allowed myself to feel the disappointment and frustration that came with these pieces of news. With time the disappointment lessened a bit and a great conversation with my manager helped me to gain some new perspective on the matter.  I was able to see that although these chances didn’t work out, as a side effect I made new connections and have also really put the message out there that I am ready for a new challenge.  This reframe of the situation did make me feel a bit better as it made me feel lik...

 I had the opportunity to listen to the We Can Do Hard Things podcast this morning featuring Martha Beck as a guest.  I wasn't familiar with her work prior to listening to this episode, and as often happens, the right message came just at the right time.  Thank you Universe.  This conversation centred on coming home to yourself, what that means and where the heck to even begin the process.  Despite the ongoing work that I do to feel more connection to myself and my world, I sometimes feel that I have strayed from who I am and have started back down the path of old patterns that lead me towards the search for external acceptance and approval.  Noticing this shift is new for me and I am grateful to be able to name what is happening and then find ways to get myself back to where I would rather be. Martha's insights around how hard and scary it is to stand in your truth were so refreshing to hear.  Because it IS hard and it IS scary and it does feel quite ...