Kerri On Down The Road

Richard Wagamese released a book entitled Embers: One Ojibway's Meditations, and I cannot recommend it enough.  It is filled with pages of insights and beautiful thoughts, and if you have the ability to listen to it as an audiobook, it resonates even more deeply.   One of his passages has really resonated with me lately, and I wanted to share it with you as I start this post:     "When there's a crack in my mirror, I can't see myself as I am--all I see is the crack.  The crack tells me             that there is something wrong with me, that I'm not enough and that this is how others see me, too.  It's            not a question of finding a better mirror.  It's about seeing beyond the crack.  I am not, not ever will be,            perfect.  But I don't need to live for approval.  I need to live for acceptance and joy in the unique,  ...

 The other day in a therapy session my counsellor made a point of telling me that she noticed I had started to make decisions that centred my best interests and how happy she was to see this taking place.  I thanked her and continued on in the moment, however those words stayed with me after our call.  They are still bumping around in my head now, days later.  I think that the reason this comment was so impactful was that I hadn't realized it was taking place.  And the more I thought about it, I also realized just how absent this type of thinking had been up until now.   Saying no to things that are just not for me is a new skill I am developing and it is not easy.  The decisions that I described to my counsellor that morning were not earth-shattering however they would have absolutely added stress to an already busy schedule and would have potentially led to resentment and frustration as time went on.  Looking at it from this lens, it may se...

 Garlic breath...often a reminder of a lovely meal, perhaps an Italian feast, or a savory falafel and hummus, or maybe as part of a symphony of roasted vegetables.  Not often something that is linked with a chocolate peanut butter smoothie...until it was. So there I was, in my kitchen talking with my sons and making my one of my usual protein smoothies.  Something that I do on a daily basis, and something that I have come to make while on autopilot.  I change the ingredients and will alternate between a chocolate or vanilla base and some of the flavourings but for the most part, the recipe remains the same.  Until that afternoon, when I found myself reaching for the spices I add and before I knew it, tapping in a LOT of garlic powder!  When I realized what I had been doing, I stopped in shock and dismay.  The smoothie was about half-built by this point in time and although I had basically ruined it by adding garlic, I decided to forge ahead in the hope...

 What a simple concept, on paper.  Just focusing on taking one step at a time, putting one foot in front of the other to slowly and steadily make your way.  No planning or focusing on where these steps will take you, how long it will take or what the path traveled will actually look like.  Just focusing on putting that one foot in front of the other.  This may sound repetitive and if I have talked about this before, bear with me.  You see I have finally come to a point in my journey where my head and heart have found alignment with this idea and practice.  It has only taken me nudging up against the same limiting beliefs that I have held about myself over and over again to finally arrive at the a-ha that has allowed me to push past this barrier.  I guess you could say that the headache and heart ache finally caught up with me and has made me realize that I can no longer ignore or push down the truth that I hold inside of me.  That may sound p...

 I went for a walk the other morning, despite the grey and rainy weather, determined to get outside and some movement.  As I walked I listened to an audio book and the chapter I was on was discussing how we often see our lives as battles to be fought, to be won or lost, to focus on making gains and not suffering setbacks. The author then began to describe how nature flows, through each season and the many layers that each contains.  I found it particularly fascinating when he spoke to autumn, how we often can get caught up in a sense of melancholy about the onset of winter despite all of the beauty and colour that surrounds us during this season.  How so much of the vibrant life of summer starts to fall away and we can also focus on that sense of loss and of things ending.  What he then said is what caught my attention - despite the fact that we are noticing a shedding of life there is also another activity taking place that we may not be as aware of.  The ...

 I first started writing this blog entry a year ago.  At that time I had been reading books on addiction recovery and was noticing many similarities in those processes and the work I had been doing to uncover the root of some enduring behaviour patterns that I was wanting to change.  As I was doing this deep dive, I came to a startling realization around deception and how it had played out in my thoughts and actions both towards myself and others. I started to notice how often I have lied to both myself and others throughout my life - saying yes when I meant no, saying no when I wanted to say yes or staying silent when I wanted to speak up.  And even little things like saying that I had read, heard, or done something in the throes of a great conversation with someone just so I could create a sense of belonging and feel like I fit in. This lying was never done vindictively - It was not like a premeditated intent that I came into a situation with.  Instead it tend...

 Often in my yoga classes I encourage my participants to close their eyes for a moment to find where there sense of centre is.  This usually takes place standing, and involves a subtle side to side and forwards and backwards movement, like a pendulum gently swaying.  Eventually we allow the movement to slow and come to stillness and we land at what feels like our centre in that moment.  We do this knowing that where we find our centre can and does shift from moment to moment, day to day and year to year.  I have started to reflect on this practice of finding my centre and how it has been manifesting in my life as a whole. I like the imagery of a pendulum gently swaying, as this is what my search has felt like.  I feel like for so many years I have been moving around my true place of being, at moments being quite close to it and in others quite far away.  All the while the pendulum has continued to sway, allowing me to catch glimpses and sensations of b...