Kerri On Down The Road

Marathon training is upon me, again. I have just passed the halfway point, with my training load steadily increasing as the weeks until race day steadily decrease. This is where sh!t gets real, and suddenly the gravity of what I'm going to do becomes much more palpable. The longer runs will never match the distance I cover on race day, and yet they seem just as far some days. These are the days when I need to remind myself of the simple fact that, no matter how hard we try, we cannot predict the outcome of an event based solely on how it begins. Some things feel very hard at the beginning, and we often assume that the level of pain and discomfort we are experiencing in the moment will last throughout the effort. On many, if not all, of my longer runs, I often begin by feeling pretty crappy. My stride feels stiff and unbalanced. My mind is also feeling unbalanced, with questions about the hows and whys of my planned activity taking up all of the mental space I have. In these early k...

I was first introduced to the book  The Four Agreements  when I was enrolled in my yoga teacher training course. It is a book of ancient Toltec wisdom, based upon living life aligned with four inner agreements: - Always be impeccable with your word - Don't take anything personally - Don't make assumptions, and  - Always do your best The first three agreements always seemed to hold my attention the most, as I found them the most challenging to be consistent about.  Especially not taking things personally and not making assumptions. Number four always seemed like a no-brainer - I mean, who wouldn't try to do their best? As time has gone on, and I have managed to ingrain these practices into my life, I find myself starting to look at that last one with a bit of a different lens.  My focus has moved from the act of doing my best to questioning what doing my best means to me - how to know, how to judge, and what others' opinions mean in regard to my belief about what...

I've been feeling a sense of expansion and growth lately.  As if a seed planted way below the earth's surface is finally starting to push its green shoots through the dark soil.  It's taken a lot of patient nurturing, coaxing, and encouragement to finally see this metamorphosis take place, and I know the journey is only getting started. For many years, it seemed much easier to allow this seed to stay buried deep, away from harm and the potentially critical eyes of others.  What if this variety of sprout wasn't welcomed or wanted?  What if, after all this time and effort, no one actually appreciated it or saw its worth?  It feels incredibly vulnerable to step out of the darkness and into the light, and to be unsure of what awaits you there.   And yet, nature does this consistently.  Look at any patch of wild land, and you will see a mixture of flora and fauna growing alongside each other, seemingly oblivious to what the other is doing.  And th...

 It's funny how we often look forward to the completion of a project or goal, only to feel at a loss when it's all wrapped up.  That sense of hanging in to make it across the finish line, only to feel bittersweet pangs of loss when we are given time back in our days.  What now?  What next?  I find this to be a dangerous time for me, as this is when I am most likely to say yes when I should really be saying "Not now".   I think this tendency comes from two different places: a deep desire to people-please, and a discomfort with free time that is left unscheduled.  The people-pleasing shows up as wanting to be appreciated for helping others, and the self-directed guilt that comes from not saying yes when I have time on my hands.  My inner critic cries out to me about how selfish it is to set time aside for sitting on my front porch reading or daydreaming, when I could instead put my needs aside and take something on that will utilize every last ...

 I was heading to the gym the other morning when I saw what sheer determination looks like.  It wasn't part of an ad on a billboard, nor was it being displayed by a runner completing endless hill repeats before work.  It was right there on the face of a young girl riding her bike on the sidewalk, flanked by her dad riding his bike on the road.  I have passed this family on several occasions, crossing the same bridge; Dad riding a retrofitted bike that carries his young brood to their daytime destinations.  But not today.  Today was different.  As I made my way towards the peak of the hill, I saw Dad riding on the road and noticed a tall, pink bike flag poking up over the horizon.  More and more of the flag came into view, as did the rest of the bike, and its rider.  What struck me as she came into view was the look on her face - pure determination.  She was holding her line, pedalling smoothly and steadily and she WAS going to make it up...

 It will probably come as no surprise that I am not the type of person who tends to identify with the main characters of fairy tales.  Despite years of hearing these stories and internalizing their messages, I have never seen myself as a fairy princess in need of rescue by a knight on a stallion.  What I have come to realize this week, though, is that Goldilocks and I appear to have some things in common. Although I have not found myself breaking and entering into strangers' homes, eating their food, trying out their chairs, and ultimately falling asleep in their beds, I do identify with her struggle around finding what feels "just right".  Her search to find a perfect balance between too much and too little feels very much like where I am in my life these days. This past semester at school has been a catalyst for me, forcing me to take a closer look at where balance exists (and doesn't exist), and find ways to tip the scales towards equilibrium.  Much of what t...

 It's a funny time of year; as we enjoy days of heat and endless sunshine, we find ourselves entering the second half of the calendar, with more days behind us than ahead this year.  This past week, we also had the full Buck moon to celebrate, bringing with it energetic qualities around determination, progress, and purposeful growth.  It is the perfect time to reflect on how far we have come and to regroup, determining our path for the remainder of the year. As I stood in the lake this morning, being gently rocked by the waves and sung to by the gulls, I received a clear message: "I am ready".  Those three words repeated themselves in my mind as I continued to sway in the water and contemplate their meaning.  Ready for what?  Without a doubt, that was the next thought that entered my head.  And just as I asked, a cascade of answers came forward:               - ready to forgive         ...