Kerri On Down The Road

 Thinking back to this time last year as we were ready to usher in 2020 and all the hopes and expectations that came with a year with such an iconic number attached to it.  20/20 vision - clarity, hindsight and looking ahead.  Then 2020 arrived and for the first couple of months seemed like it was going to be okay...until it was not.  And I'm sure that I do not need to go into deep details around what this year has been like for the most of us.  Suffice it to say that it will likely go down in most people's books as a year like no other.   So while it is hard to look at the past year with any sort of bittersweet nostalgia, I can't help but consider all of the unexpected things that took place that weren't necessarily negative.  This is not in any way meant to diminish the real struggles that so many people have faced and still are facing, and likely will continue to face well into the coming year.  What I can't help but see is that despite th...

 Not only is this the title of one of my all-time favourite movies, it also sums up what I have been feeling lately on a bunch of levels for the people, places and things of importance in my life. I have been thinking a lot about love lately, and the past experiences I have had with it.  When I think back on many of the important relationships that I have had, I realize that what I thought was love was really power being hidden under the disguise of "love".  Sadly I can see now how admitting love was almost like an admission of weakness, and by declaring my love I was putting myself in a place of vulnerability that didn't always feel safe. Handing over power to someone else who could then use it against me or could make me feel inadequate or small.  So I would either hold back on sharing my feelings or feel uncomfortable and exposed while also being in a state of "love".   The other experience of "love" that I reflected on was where love was an expecta...

 With the winter upon us, my cycling has moved indoors and I feel fortunate to have snagged an electronic bike trainer to help develop and maintain fitness I gained over the summer.  I have often rejected the idea of riding indoors through the winter for fear of burning myself out, but with gyms being closed and no spin classes in sight, it seemed like a no-brainer this year. What I have found, much to my surprise, is that I am really enjoying these training sessions.  Instead of feeling like work and a necessary evil of staying fit, they challenge and inspire me.  They remind me of the incredible summer of riding that took place this year and have me looking forward to the coming season in 2021.   The premise of the riding that I'm doing is "Base Training" - literally working on developing and maintaining a strong base of fitness that I can then work on increasing and growing over time.  The sessions are preset, so I just have to show up and ride, and...

 I am not a car person.  I feel that I need to be completely transparent about that fact before I relate an experience from this past week, which ended up inspiring this post. You see, I own a car but honestly wish I did not need to as I often feel like the convenience is off-set by costs and upkeep.  I have never been a person who put much thought into the kind of vehicles others owned, meaning that just because you drive a XXX car doesn't mean that I hold you in higher regard than someone driving a xxx car.  I feel much differently about my motorcycle which I do love and would happily spend money on because it brings me joy to ride it.  My car feels like more of a workhorse and gets me where I need to be, while my motorcycle gets me places that I want to be.  I digress... Getting into my car to pick up groceries last week I noticed my battery light was on.  Seemed strange as I had never noticed that happening before and I was sure that I had replaced...

 I had the opportunity to participate in a memorial run this weekend in honour of my friends' son whose life was taken last month.  I did not have the opportunity to meet Robert in person, and feel fortunate to have learned more about who he was and the impact he had through the many rich and beautiful memories that have been shared since his passing. The one idea that has stood out to me and to many others was his personal mantra of Why Wait.  It was something that he felt strongly about as a way to live his life and as I ran today I let these words tumble around in my head.  I started to think about the times when I knew what I wanted, but held back from taking a step towards it.  Those moments when I had words on the tip of my tongue but kept them inside for fear of what the reaction, or lack of reaction might be.  And the many times when I decided that I wasn't ready, or it wasn't quite time yet, or when I accomplished X then I would be ready to do Y an...

 A few months ago I decided to join the Pride Employee Resource Group at work, as I felt that it would allow me to give back to the community I have just joined, and potentially make an impact in others' lives.  I feel very strongly about the power of connection, especially at times like these and this felt like a great way to further develop my growing LGBTQ+ network.  I was welcomed with open arms and was asked to participate in an upcoming panel discussion around the importance of allies as part of the coming out and being out process.  The panel discussion was replaced by an initiative to post videos on our internal employee internet site, and the video that I was asked to submit was around the role allies have played in my coming out journey.  I was happy to take part as I am grateful on a daily basis for the love and support that I have been shown as I have embraced my truth.   What this video sparked for me was some internal dialogue on allies, ...

I was torn about what to focus on this week, as I have had the opportunity to listen to a few great podcasts and they have inspired and ignited me.   The one that I feel the closest to currently was a Brene Brown episode that she taped on the eve of the election and was focused on the idea of keeping a strong back, soft front and wild heart.   I really love this idea as I feel like this concept resonates with where I find myself these days. So often we carry armour to keep ourselves protected and limit our feelings of being vulnerable and potentially displaying weakness.   This armour results in a brittle and unyielding body and is rather cumbersome and tiring to carry around.   While covered in this protection it is difficult to relate and feel a part of anything as this shell stops us from truly being who we are and allowing others in to experience us.   One of the most difficult things that I have done over the past couple of years is sit back and admit tha...