Owning Your Potential

 I woke from a dream this morning that really made me stop and think.  In this dream a previous boss of mine was observing me working through an unexpected issue in my day.  Her being there was completely out of rational context as it has been a few years since we were in touch and geographically she lives nowhere near me.  However, such is the stuff of dreams.  During the dream she simply was present, witnessing and not saying anything while I continued through the situation at hand.  At the conclusion of the dream, as she was getting a jacket on and preparing to leave she turned to me and said that she could see how much potential I had all along and apologized for not noticing and mentioning it years ago.  I woke up feeling a mix of puzzlement and peace, realizing that despite the fact I had moved on from that job (for the reasons that she mentioned in the dream) I still had a deep desire to hear her say those words.  

As I reflected on this, a wave of understanding started to wash over me.  I was able to look back at past jobs, friendships and relationships and see how badly I had wanted others to notice my potential, and I guess to notice me in general.  To see who I am and what I can do and to appreciate it all.  The one person I have not been able to convince of these things over the years has been me.  And from what I can see now, that is the root of this entire exercise.  The need to hear someone else tell me that I have potential because deep down I was unable to recognize it in myself.

Gosh, so many things make so much sense when you are able to find that one piece of the puzzle that you had accidentally slipped to the side, out of view.  My inability to recognize my own potential also made it very difficult to actually live in a space where I could show the world who I am.  If you don't believe in yourself, good luck in getting others to.  Instead I went on a very long journey of trying out different versions of me, hoping to land on one that would work, that would allow me to feel like I had finally found the one that people could appreciate.

And here I am now, literally feeling a weight lift as I type these words because I know that I have moved into a place where I do own my potential.  I see myself so much more clearly these days, the good, the bad and the ugly.  I can embrace all of these sides, even if it takes a deep breath and extra love some days, and feel proud of who I really am.  There will still be days where I am hoping for that external nod of approval and I can be okay when those moments come along as I know that they are fleeting and pass a lot faster than before.  Can you also learn to own your potential?  Can you learn to see yourself with loving eyes and a kinder heart?  To hold your truth above the judgements that may come from those who simply will never understand and appreciate the unique light that you bring to the world?  Those are my wishes for you, dear reader.  I see you and I celebrate you.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Solar Return Reflections

 As I embark on a new solar return, I am compelled to reflect on the year that is closing behind me. Exercises like these often have us remembering the big wins or struggles, the notable changes and shifts that have taken place, the happenings that are impossible to ignore. And while all of those items are important to note, savour, and pay attention to, I find myself drawn to the smaller moments in time. The almost imperceptible yet impactful catalysts that are most often responsible for growth.  What I find interesting about those tiny agitators is the amount of pain and discomfort they often create as they push us to respond. Like the grain of sand in our shoe that will cause a blister if we don't stop to remove it, ignoring these pain points only leads to longer-lasting, deeper dis-ease if not attended to. It was during a visit with a dear friend this past week that this point was driven home for me. I was describing to her a feeling of overwhelm I had been dealing with (o...
Read more

Letting Go

 This past weekend, I helped my eldest son as he prepared to take the next big step in his life's adventures.  It felt bittersweet to watch as he packed up the room in his apartment, in anticipation of setting up a new room in a new city in the near future.  I have felt proud of him over the past few months as he has navigated many unknowns and new situations with a sense of certainty and enthusiasm for what lies ahead.  Deep down, I marvelled at his ability to let go, to embrace the new opportunities being presented while letting go of the life he had been establishing over the past couple of years.  Thinking back to when I was his age, I am not sure that I would have had the ability to make these same decisions so easily.  Sure, I have had my fair share of tough choices and have navigated change as I have journeyed through life. Still, I have often felt a sense of dis-ease when it comes to letting go of what is or has been to make room for what might be....
Read more

Cheer Stations

 Yesterday, I ran my fifth full marathon, my first in two years.  The idea felt daunting at first - I hadn't forgotten how all-encompassing the training could feel, spanning sixteen weeks and requiring hundreds of kilomteters to be travelled simply to complete those last 42.2.  And yet, there I was, signing up and taking on the work. Training went well - the weeks seemed to pass more quickly than I expected them to, and despite a slightly cranky hamstring, my body and mind adapted to the workouts and didn't put up roadblocks along the way.  Getting up and getting out for those early morning runs and long weekend runs became routine, and something I looked forward to.  Especially the long runs that had me crossing the city instead of sticking to very well-worn routes from previous training blocks.  Friends started to inquire about the big day, and I noticed that many of them seemed to be more excited about the race than I was.  With it not being my firs...
Read more