Leaning In To Warmth

 I had the opportunity to listen to the We Can Do Hard Things podcast this morning featuring Martha Beck as a guest.  I wasn't familiar with her work prior to listening to this episode, and as often happens, the right message came just at the right time.  Thank you Universe.  This conversation centred on coming home to yourself, what that means and where the heck to even begin the process.  Despite the ongoing work that I do to feel more connection to myself and my world, I sometimes feel that I have strayed from who I am and have started back down the path of old patterns that lead me towards the search for external acceptance and approval.  Noticing this shift is new for me and I am grateful to be able to name what is happening and then find ways to get myself back to where I would rather be.

Martha's insights around how hard and scary it is to stand in your truth were so refreshing to hear.  Because it IS hard and it IS scary and it does feel quite lonely at times as well.  Many of us are sitting in situations where it doesn't feel like we have the wiggle room to make any changes at all...that we need to be the person who others rely upon and we don't have the time or energy to devote to a journey of self-discovery.  It can feel like such a big undertaking and we often hear stories in the wider world of people who have "blown up" their lives in order to find their truth...yikes!  How scary does that sound?  Especially if you are in a situation where you simply can't afford to blow up anything because it feels like you are just hanging on.

What I loved about this conversation was the fact that there were less scary and actionable ideas that folks could take away and experiment with.  One was to write down the things that you do that you hate, that you despise and that make you feel stuck and frustrated.  Then to write down a list of things that you would rather be doing, or that would provide a feeling of hope, joy or simply respite from the yuck.  With these two lists in hand, swap out 10 minutes of yuck for 10 minutes of joy.  Each day find a way to make that substitution in your day, at some point and if 10 minutes are too many maybe start with five minutes.  The most important part of this exercise is the part where you start.  You start to give yourself those minutes of joy because you deserve them and perhaps that small swap in your day will lead to other small and manageable changes that you can make along the way.  But for now just focus on those 10 minutes at a time.

The other idea that I loved was one of leaning into what makes you feel warm.  You know that warm feeling that comes when you are enjoying a pleasurable moment - maybe it is first thing in the morning as you have your first cup of coffee or tea...maybe it is just before bed as you find a few quiet moments to sit still.  Whatever it is that brings warmth, notice it when it comes, embrace it and find a way to lean into the moment, allowing it to stretch a little longer than normal and allowing you to breathe more of it in.  Again, this doesn't need to be formalized on a meditation cushion or a yoga mat, and doesn't need to last for a certain period of time.  Just noticing what is bringing those feelings of warmth and embracing them are the important pieces of this practice.  Because those are the pieces of you that might be overlooked in a busy day and those are the shimmers of what you may have lost as you have started to live life for the approval and needs of others.  Sure it may feel selfish, awkward or even pointless when faced with a looming to-do list or in the midst of a busy day and yet it is exactly what we need in those very moments.  Finding ways to slow down, give our hearts a hug and remind ourselves that we deserve the same love that we give to others.