Change: Desire, Acceptance and Reality

This time of year seems to bring the idea of change to the forefront for many.  These quieter days during the holiday season provide an excellent opportunity to take inventory of the year that we are moving on from and to plot a course for the days that will unfold ahead of us.  It felt like an opportune time to look at what change is, or what it can be, and the phases of change that I have noticed in my own life.

Having a desire to make a change is where many of us find ourselves as we prepare to ring in the new year.  There are differences of opinion around the validity of new year's resolutions and whether or not they serve to help us move forward in our lives, or provide yet another opportunity for us to look for short-term "fixes" and then return to our old patterns of being when these quick fixes do not meet our expectations.  I feel that any desire to make a change is cause for celebration and encourage anyone who is leaning towards embracing a new direction to do so, regardless of the time of year.  I would also encourage not putting heavy labels on this desire - I have found that linking a move towards change to something as pivotal as a new year's resolution sometimes creates pressure and stress that leads to stagnation.  What if we simply embraced a desire for change as a stepping stone in a longer journey and celebrated the fact that we feel ready to try something new?  Change can be very scary and the unknowns that come with taking on any type of change can be enough to stop people in their tracks.  I feel that we need to give ourselves a high five for even being brave enough to recognize that we are willing to take this work on.

In my experience, once the initial excitement of the desire to make a change has worn off, there is almost a calm or sense of settling that arrives, and I would call this phase the acceptance of change.  I have even sometimes felt almost a let-down as the euphoria of the idea of change starts to fade and the acceptance of the reality of what I have proposed for myself starts to sink in.  For me, this is the biggest hurdle I face during times of change.  This is where things get real and the work starts to kick in.  This is where questions of why me, why now and what was I thinking start to rear their ugly heads.  This is also where it is easy to let old stories derail your desire as you may question your ability to move forward.  If you identify with these feelings or experiences, please know you are not alone.  So many of us have also walked these steps and have battled with these thoughts and ideas.  Please know that just taking that next step each day, no matter how big or small, how noticeable or silent will lead you in the direction that you wished to head towards.  And taking a step back or sideways also counts.  No path is a straight line and those small detours sometimes are exactly what we need in order to continue the journey forward.  Starting each day with the idea of  making the next best decision for yourself or taking the next loving action for yourself is a powerful way to maintain your overall forward momentum.

The phase of change that I have been finding more and more interesting lately has been the reality of what any desired change actually looks like.  So often I have decided to embrace a change in my life, I have had a vision of what it will look like both during and afterwards and the steps that I will need to take in order to achieve the goal I have set.  I have stuck to my plan and done the work only to discover that the outcome does not match the vision that I set out with.  Sometimes this has been a positive as the outcome is better than anticipated and sometimes this has led to disappointment, as I had visions of bigger outcomes than I am left with.  Other times this has led to surprise and delight as the impact of what I have taken on has ended up leading me in a direction and to an outcome that I might not have even known existed.  Learning to accept the discrepancy between our visions and reality is a gift that change brings with it, as it provides us with the opportunity to look deeper at what drives us and ignites our desire for change.  Is it old stories or narratives or a deep-seated fear or other emotion that we are giving power to?

I hope that as the new year opens up, so do possibilities and opportunities for growth and renewal.  It has been said many times that we are spiritual beings having a human experience and I believe that with each new year we have a chance to expand and experiment and push the boundaries on just what that experience is all about.