I Got You

 It is interesting how certain words and phrases can elicit a physical response.  "I got you" is one of those phrases that seems to have that effect on me.  Often when I ask my eldest son to help me reach down something off of a shelf that would require my step stool otherwise, he simply replies "I got you".  And the flood of warmth that accompanies that simple response always takes me by surprise.  

I wonder what it is about those three little words that causes this to happen.  Maybe it's because it feels good to be taken care of.  Maybe it's because it equates to being seen and loved.  And maybe it's just because it feels good to have someone else do the thing for you.  And while it feels great to have someone else tell you that they have your needs covered, what I started to think about was the last time I said those three little words to me. When was the last time that I needed something and was open to showing up for myself?

As I started to ponder this, I quickly realized that there were not many times where I could actually remember sending this message of support to myself.  I am often ready to be there for others, but find it difficult to be there for me.  And I am quite sure that I am not alone.  I think that we often fall into this trap of giving to others while putting our needs last.  It often feels more comfortable to be seen or known as supportive and caring and feels contradictory to also acknowledge our needs as being equally important.  And they most certainly are!  

So how do we balance this out?  How do we become better able to support our own needs while also being there for others in our lives?  I think that it starts with unpacking any stories we may be holding onto about "being needy".  Guess what - we are all needy in one way, shape or form.  And that is not a bad thing.  There is nothing wrong with needing love, needing some alone time, needing to hear positive reinforcement...the list goes on.  Needing these things is what makes us human and whole.  So maybe make a list of what you need and where you can find what you need.  Maybe it is creating some time to sit quietly and just focus on yourself.  Maybe it is time for a walk outside.  Maybe it is that golden time in the morning when no one else is awake and you can deeply enjoy your first mug of tea or coffee surrounded by your thoughts...or no thoughts.  Whatever it is, write it down and then go after it.  

I will admit, learning to be there for ourselves is a hard lesson and one that I have found requires letting go of old narratives and guilt.  And learning that there's nothing wrong with taking care of ourselves, of being there for our own needs and prioritizing them is what will allow us to continue showing up for those we love.  Where to begin? Step one - the next time you need something, pause to give yourself a hug and tell yourself "I got you".

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