Letting Go

 How often have we been advised or reminded that our happiness relies upon our ability to let go of what is holding us back; old stories we tell ourselves, habits not serving our well-being, inaccurate beliefs, and sometimes relationships that have run their course?  Some of these are easier to release than others, as we can see the benefit of walking away and starting fresh.  And some are harder because admitting we need to move on can feel like admitting we were wrong. 

I am standing in the space of this conundrum as I sit down to type.  After wrestling with some tough decisions about my future, I have come to a place of realizing the only way forward is to set down some of the heavy load I have been carrying for the past year or more.  Although I cannot deny the sense of relief that comes with this realization, it is accompanied by discomfort about changing my mind.  There is part of me that has grown comfortable with the plotline I have been repeating, and that part of me is wondering what to make of suddenly changing the narrative.  

If I admit that my emotions are justified and are also not serving me, I will need to stop leaning on them and will need to find a new lens to look through.  And that means I will need to start letting some other things go; disappointment, anger, injustice, and the list goes on.  All are valid in their own rights, but also not productive or healthy to be carrying around with me.  There is also a sense of embarrassment that comes with feeling like I have maybe been wrong in my thinking.  Perhaps some of what has been holding me back is me.  What a kick in the ass that is.

And yes, if I had a friend who came to me with the very same thoughts I am sure that I would offer support and would immediately reassure them that there is no right and wrong when it comes to emotions - all are allowed to take space in our lives.  Instead of fixating on the emotions themselves, focusing on the amount of space and time we allow them to have the privilege of our attention.  I also readily admit that I have been falling prey to binary thinking (again) - focusing on one option or another instead of allowing fluidity in outcomes to be possible. 

Why am I even sharing all of this, you might wonder?  It is because I know that I am not the only one who is or has been confronted with this in their life.  I know how hard it is to sit with these thoughts and not have an outlet to share them and have them heard.  Allowing this to swirl around inside has only served to make things noisier, and it is hard to think clearly when one is surrounded by a lot of background interference.  So I wanted to share my journey to hopefully open the door for others to feel safe in setting down their heavy loads.

Comments

  1. AnonymousFebruary 19, 2024 at 8:53 AM

    I’m comforted that you know you’re not alone in this experience and that many of us have been or are there right now. Bless.

    ReplyDelete

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