Finding Peace in the Unknown

Anyone who knows me will agree that I am someone who tends to find comfort in feeling like I have things figured out.  I mean, who doesn't?  Feeling like the ground beneath your feet is steady and predictable brings with it a sense of confidence and ease, one less thing to worry or wonder about. It can also be limiting at times, especially if we allow ourselves to be bound to these expected outcomes.

My therapist will often call me out on the practice of trying to figure things out, looking at the world through a rather binary lens of things being either this or that, and looking for the reasons and logical outcomes as a result of these conclusions.  Letting go of this aspect of control is scary, and also liberating.

Lately, I have been trying to catch myself in the act of going too far into the perceived future, gently guiding my mind back to where my feet happen to be at the moment, remembering that being in the present is the only place I'm required to be.  It. Is. So. Hard!  So hard because not allowing my mind to try and plan out the next few days, weeks, months, years of my life means that I instead need to surrender and realize that the path ahead will be decided on a day-by-day basis, and no amount of ruminating and calculating will allow me to control what happens next. 

But wait, you may be thinking, if I am taking time to plan my next moves and decisions, won't that automatically impact how things unfold for me?  Yes and no.  Yes, you may feel a sense of peace in the idea that you have determined how things will go, so there won't be any nasty surprises to deal with as you move ahead.  And no, just because you have decided how things will be, there is no guarantee that this is the way things will unfold, no matter how good you are at planning.  Take it from me, someone who has spent a great part of her life in the role of a planner and who prides herself on being able to account for and circumvent so many of life's unknowns...until new ones crop up.

Although I do love to feel like I know the answers ahead of the test, I am also starting to appreciate the peace that a mystery can hold.  Not knowing keeps space available for change and developments to take place that I often would never have imagined.  It gives room for the twists and turns that are part of life, and often brings forward opportunities and insights that I otherwise would have missed out on.

What are we missing out on by tethering ourselves to a foregone conclusion that we have decided makes the most sense before we even have the chance to examine all of the options available to us?  I'd rather feel that tiny sliver of nervous unknowing and roll with what I'm given in the moment than miss out on these chances to explore and grow.