Flex Your Muscles!
Can you think back to the first time you worked out or went to a gym? For most of us it was an uncomfortable, confusing and potentially unsatisfying experience filled with moments of "why am I here?" and "what the heck do I do now that I am here???"
Starting anything new is often uncomfortable, no matter how much we may realize that it is a change that we need in our lives, or is something that will help us to achieve an important goal or milestone.
I used to end my workouts with a congratulatory cup of coffee and cigarette and feel pretty darned accomplished that I'd worked out. Then would go home and eat some version of what my latest starvation diet consisted of, and call it a day. Despite the many things I was doing that weren't quite on track, the basic habit of moving and getting stronger was born. From there I eventually quit smoking, learned that food wasn't all bad and also started to learn about eating to be strong and healthy. (Note, I did NOT stop drinking coffee) In essence I moved from working out to try and fit an ideal vision of what I thought I needed to look like, to working out to become a stronger, healthier person. Which in time became my new ideal, and one that I still pursue to this day.
Same goes for flexing muscles around bravery, courage and vulnerability. When was the last time that you did something that caused you to flex those muscles? To try something new, step away from your comfort zone and put yourself out there? How did it feel the first time you tried? I can share that I flexed my vulnerability muscle pretty hard the other week - definitely put myself out there in a way that I never have before, and didn't end up with the ideal outcome I'd hoped for. The difference was that this time, despite things not quite going how I'd hoped, I didn't feel terrible about it. This is a first for me. Usually making any type of "unsuccessful" stretch where I was feeling vulnerable would result in my scurrying for cover afterwards, even with people I am close to, and licking my wounds and criticizing myself for even thinking that I was worthy of whatever it was I had been striving towards. And it would set me on my heels and make me seriously hesitant to try it again. EVEN in relationships where I thought I felt safe. EVEN with those in my life who I told myself I loved and who loved me.
So what has changed? I have. After many years of being my own personal mean girl, I have stopped. I have put my arms around my vulnerable self and hugged, hard. I have apologized to myself for the years of negativity and the hateful inner voice, and most importantly I have told myself that it is ok to try and not succeed. It is okay to put myself out there, and to see how it goes. And it doesn't make me a failure to not have the outcome I am going for. Because each one of these "reps" makes my vulnerability muscle a little stronger. And sure it stings, like any good workout does, but then there is healing and strengthening and the chance to try again. And with each new rep, it gets a little easier, a little less scary and a little less daunting. And it reinforces the knowledge that I can recover from perceived setbacks, because they aren't really setbacks at all. They are the pauses in between reps, where you catch your breath, reset and get ready to do it all again.
Starting anything new is often uncomfortable, no matter how much we may realize that it is a change that we need in our lives, or is something that will help us to achieve an important goal or milestone.
I used to end my workouts with a congratulatory cup of coffee and cigarette and feel pretty darned accomplished that I'd worked out. Then would go home and eat some version of what my latest starvation diet consisted of, and call it a day. Despite the many things I was doing that weren't quite on track, the basic habit of moving and getting stronger was born. From there I eventually quit smoking, learned that food wasn't all bad and also started to learn about eating to be strong and healthy. (Note, I did NOT stop drinking coffee) In essence I moved from working out to try and fit an ideal vision of what I thought I needed to look like, to working out to become a stronger, healthier person. Which in time became my new ideal, and one that I still pursue to this day.
Same goes for flexing muscles around bravery, courage and vulnerability. When was the last time that you did something that caused you to flex those muscles? To try something new, step away from your comfort zone and put yourself out there? How did it feel the first time you tried? I can share that I flexed my vulnerability muscle pretty hard the other week - definitely put myself out there in a way that I never have before, and didn't end up with the ideal outcome I'd hoped for. The difference was that this time, despite things not quite going how I'd hoped, I didn't feel terrible about it. This is a first for me. Usually making any type of "unsuccessful" stretch where I was feeling vulnerable would result in my scurrying for cover afterwards, even with people I am close to, and licking my wounds and criticizing myself for even thinking that I was worthy of whatever it was I had been striving towards. And it would set me on my heels and make me seriously hesitant to try it again. EVEN in relationships where I thought I felt safe. EVEN with those in my life who I told myself I loved and who loved me.
So what has changed? I have. After many years of being my own personal mean girl, I have stopped. I have put my arms around my vulnerable self and hugged, hard. I have apologized to myself for the years of negativity and the hateful inner voice, and most importantly I have told myself that it is ok to try and not succeed. It is okay to put myself out there, and to see how it goes. And it doesn't make me a failure to not have the outcome I am going for. Because each one of these "reps" makes my vulnerability muscle a little stronger. And sure it stings, like any good workout does, but then there is healing and strengthening and the chance to try again. And with each new rep, it gets a little easier, a little less scary and a little less daunting. And it reinforces the knowledge that I can recover from perceived setbacks, because they aren't really setbacks at all. They are the pauses in between reps, where you catch your breath, reset and get ready to do it all again.
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