Reflecting on Reflections
Believe it or not, this post marks my 52nd one in a row!!! Yes - as of today I have been writing a weekly entry for an entire year now. I remember my decision to start this blog. The mixed feelings of excitement, nerves and fear. The worry that what I had to say would not resonate or be important enough for anyone to bother reading what I was posting. Wondering why I thought that I actually had anything interesting to say anyways, and who did I really think I was to start a blog. (Oh hello imposter syndrome, so nice of you to stop by - NOT!)
For so many reasons I am glad that I decided to push PUBLISH on that first entry and also decided to stick with it ever since. Just having a place to put these thoughts, and to share what I hope are relatable feelings is comforting for me. And I truly hope that something I post might help to provide comfort for someone who is facing a similar tough spot or bump in the road.
At the start of June I joined a 30-day online yoga challenge with the theme of the practice being True - finding our true selves. No surprise that I jumped at that - yoga and self-reflection, sign me up! What has been interesting is how some of the more subtle cues have really opened up some pathways to discovery already. A few times in our practice we have taken a pause to give ourselves a hug. If you have never done this before, I highly recommend it. And yes you may feel a bit silly at first but I encourage you to just get over that and to relax into it. Take a nice deep breath and just hold yourself. What I realized was that doing this was likely the first time I have used my arms and hands to be gentle with myself. I can't actually count the number of times I've used my hands to poke, prod, pinch and squeeze my body. Not in a nice way, either. In a judging and "if only you looked like this, or had less of that" sort of way. I honestly almost cried the first time I did hug myself because I realized how mean I have been over the years. Time to change that!
The other cue I found really interesting was the idea of sitting cross-legged on the floor and peering into our laps as if it was a reflecting pool, and taking a look at ourselves. (A bit woo-woo I know, but stick with me here). Again, the idea of looking at ourselves but not in a judgmental way. In a soft and kind way. Definitely not the way I tend to look at myself in a mirror - only looking at and for imperfections and not seeing the good stuff that is right there. Looking into an imaginary reflective pool helps to take away that looking in the mirror at our outer selves piece, and allows the focus to be deeper, where it really matters.
What this reflecting is helping me to see is more of the person I really am and less of the one that I have been trying to be, or wishing I wasn't. Letting go of all of the identities that have been placed on me by myself and others - "You are too _______". "Too bad you aren't less ________". "You should try harder to be ______________". Or my favourite "You are trying too hard to be ___________". The list is long and I could go on, but I am sure you have heard most of these yourself at some point.
Just like this blog has developed over the past 52 weeks, this work will also happen over time. I am going to commit to continue writing, continue hugging myself and to continue to look in this reflective pool for the beautiful image that lies therein.
For so many reasons I am glad that I decided to push PUBLISH on that first entry and also decided to stick with it ever since. Just having a place to put these thoughts, and to share what I hope are relatable feelings is comforting for me. And I truly hope that something I post might help to provide comfort for someone who is facing a similar tough spot or bump in the road.
At the start of June I joined a 30-day online yoga challenge with the theme of the practice being True - finding our true selves. No surprise that I jumped at that - yoga and self-reflection, sign me up! What has been interesting is how some of the more subtle cues have really opened up some pathways to discovery already. A few times in our practice we have taken a pause to give ourselves a hug. If you have never done this before, I highly recommend it. And yes you may feel a bit silly at first but I encourage you to just get over that and to relax into it. Take a nice deep breath and just hold yourself. What I realized was that doing this was likely the first time I have used my arms and hands to be gentle with myself. I can't actually count the number of times I've used my hands to poke, prod, pinch and squeeze my body. Not in a nice way, either. In a judging and "if only you looked like this, or had less of that" sort of way. I honestly almost cried the first time I did hug myself because I realized how mean I have been over the years. Time to change that!
The other cue I found really interesting was the idea of sitting cross-legged on the floor and peering into our laps as if it was a reflecting pool, and taking a look at ourselves. (A bit woo-woo I know, but stick with me here). Again, the idea of looking at ourselves but not in a judgmental way. In a soft and kind way. Definitely not the way I tend to look at myself in a mirror - only looking at and for imperfections and not seeing the good stuff that is right there. Looking into an imaginary reflective pool helps to take away that looking in the mirror at our outer selves piece, and allows the focus to be deeper, where it really matters.
What this reflecting is helping me to see is more of the person I really am and less of the one that I have been trying to be, or wishing I wasn't. Letting go of all of the identities that have been placed on me by myself and others - "You are too _______". "Too bad you aren't less ________". "You should try harder to be ______________". Or my favourite "You are trying too hard to be ___________". The list is long and I could go on, but I am sure you have heard most of these yourself at some point.
Just like this blog has developed over the past 52 weeks, this work will also happen over time. I am going to commit to continue writing, continue hugging myself and to continue to look in this reflective pool for the beautiful image that lies therein.
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