Heavy Lifting

I just finished reading an excellent book by Jen Hatmaker called Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire:  The Guide to Being Glorious You.  I had heard her interviewed on Brené Brown's Unlocking Us podcast and knew that this book was something I needed to read.  In it she walks through areas of our lives where we can all likely shine some light and make some tweaks.  There were many chapters where I could put some energy to finish work that I have started in my life, however the one chapter that really stuck out for me was in regards to the relationships that we have with other women in our lives.  

Growing up, I was always a tomboy and I suppose I still am today.  I tended to have guy friends and girl friends, but always felt like the relationships I had with the guys were the easier ones to manage.  They just happened...no drama and needing to second-guess or worry about what I had said or done, or how I had said it or done it.  This tendency has followed me throughout my life, and I can honestly say that being considered "one of the guys" has always felt like a status I was proud of, and aspired to.  It is not that I have never had any close girl friends, I guess that I have just tended towards the path of least drama and found it with the guys.  Being able to connect with men and be seen as having "guy brain" to me just meant that I was not a drama queen and was easy to coexist with.  Who wouldn't want to be seen that way?

While reading the chapter on female relationships, what really struck me was the sentiment that in our society, young girls are taught from an early age that other females are not allies, they are competition.  And we need to compete against other females for things like popularity, attention from boys and overall achievements.  This is deeply ingrained and I can easily think of so many times throughout my life where I knew that I was not "winning" these competitions and felt that I was destined to always be on the sidelines and outskirts of these popular circles.  And although I was able to recognize this for what it was, that is not to say that it didn't sting sometimes and didn't feel crummy to not be the "popular girl" at least once in awhile.  Fast forward those emotions into the teen years and beyond and what you start to have are young women who are still living with these beliefs that in order to be happy and live up to society's expectations, we must do all we can to win and if we can't win we must undercut our competitors so they aren't able to win either.   Sadly in doing so, we all fall down.  Fortunately there has been more and more attention brought to this occurrence and I feel that slowly but surely we are making progress and are starting to lift each other up instead of wasting our energy in holding each other down.  On an individual basis the ability to lift others comes from a place of feeling self confident and secure, where we are actually able to acknowledge and value what we bring to the table. 

Reflecting on where I find myself today I smile, as I realize that after doing some heavy lifting of my own I have managed to find a tribe of fierce and fabulous women who also are ready, willing and able to lift others.  We have often commented on how amazing it is to finally find other women who are allies instead of competitors, and who are authentic and show up without judgement and negativity.  Instead we provide a safe place to share and grow, to be able to sometimes feel weak and to also become stronger, and to be able to celebrate all the wonder and beauty that can exist in a positive and healthy relationship with other women.  I cannot describe the gratitude I have for my girl friends, for their honesty and bravery, kindness and vulnerability and for their love.  

My hope is that more and more women are able to recognize and smash the outdated and constrictive ideals that we were raised on and instead find the strength to love themselves and then let that love spill over to fill the cups of the other fabulous women in their lives.  If we all take some time to do this heavy lifting I feel like we will become unstoppable.

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